Remember that time I woke up with tears on my pillow because I felt broken and like our lives would never be the same and you rolled over and put your arms around me and held me until I stopped crying? You saw me!
Remember that time that I did something so out of character for me, and yelled at you for not listening to or understanding what I was saying, when it made no sense at all? You left and thought about not coming home, but you did.
Remember that time you came home and found me uncommunicative and pretty much unresponsive and anger turned to panic? You burst into action and knew exactly what to do even though you were in completely unchartered territory.
Remember that time you sat with me in the ER as I chattered away about randomness and nonsense and was completely out of my mind? You sat with me and listened and responded and laid your head on my chest and didn’t leave me. You knew the real me was still in there somewhere.
Remember that time? The time I kept you up all night chattering nonsense, and the next day you had to take me down to what is known as the transition unit? I hadn’t eaten in a few days and you had to treat me like a little child because I was still out of my mind. You convinced me that the pineapple in the fruit cup tasted like candy and I should try some. You sat with me while I ate a few pieces until I finally stopped chattering and fell asleep.
Remember that time when I woke up in an unfamiliar place on an unfamiliar bed and the first thing I did was call you to find out where you were? And you were so relieved and happy to know that somehow I was still me and I still needed you. Oh how I needed you!
Remember those days when you brought me lunch and visited me multiple times a day even though it was against the rules? You walked with me in the gym and I threw the football at you as hard as I could because I was angry that you wouldn’t take me home. Even though I already knew that I was still too sick to go home. You did what you always do and made jokes. You made me laugh until I was in a better mood and everything was ok. You saw ME.
Remember that time that you came into my room and I rolled toward the wall and wouldn’t talk to you? I told you I didn’t want to see you until you were there to take me home. And you laid down on the bed, scooted up next to me and put your arms around me and held me while I cried.
Remember that time that you had to decide whether or not to check me out of the hospital on Halloween weekend? And you knew you couldn’t leave me there alone another day, so you took me home and took care of me yourself even though you were scared it would all happen again.
Remember that time when we couldn’t find a Dr. who didn’t have a 6 week waiting period to get in to see them? I sobbed and sobbed because I just wanted to feel like myself again. You knelt down, held my hand and prayed with me, the most humble and heart felt prayer. Remember, I fell asleep and then a Dr. called and said they had a cancelation for the next morning? Remember that?
Remember that time that we woke up at home together in our own bed and you scooted over to me and held me and snuggled me and I knew I was “home”?
Remember that time….? Oh there were so many times that you rescued me in my hour of need. You had never done this before, you didn’t know what to expect or how to act. But you did it all perfectly. Because you see ME! You always see the real ME.
Thank you for always seeing me!
*An open letter to my husband, my biggest fan, my greatest support, my hero. And to all of the loved ones who are caregivers and a support system for those that suffer with BPD or other mental illnesses. #removethestigma #letstalkaboutit # mentalillness
If you or someone you know is seeking help for mental health concerns, visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website, or call 1-800-950-NAMI(6264). For confidential treatment referrals, visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) website, or call the National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP(4357). In an emergency, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255) or call 911.