Category: Jesus Christ

Trust Him, the master healer

I have been reading so much lately, it seems, about more and more people who are suffering from mental illness, anxiety, depression, loneliness and many other symptoms of disconnectedness, since the pandemic.  I imagine that it will take some time for all of us to recover from this past year’s events.  Unfortunately, I don’t believe we have seen the peak of the real effects of isolation.  But I do believe that we will hear more and more about that in the coming days.  

It also seems that cropping up everywhere are ways for us to find solace, healing and peace.  For example, coaching, meditation, workout or diet programs that promise cures, motivational speakers who claim to have the answers.  All of these avenues for healing I think have their place and are great.  And I am not discounting the good that those things can do in any way.  Please don’t misunderstand my mention of them. I myself participate in many of these activities.  And find them very helpful.

But while pondering on that, I started to think about how there is only ONE that we can really trust to heal our aching and broken hearts, to calm the raging PTSD that I think we are all suffering from.  To comfort us when we feel afraid and alone. And that is the Master Healer himself, our Savior Jesus Christ.  

So this podcast/post will be dedicated to Him.  I love my Savior with all of my heart.  And I know that He is always there to send angels in whatever form we need to get through all that we experience in this mortal life. And truly some of those angels may be in those programs that I mentioned above. However, I believe that what is important at this time, is for us to turn our hearts, our faces, and our lives toward Jesus Christ with more fervor, with more commitment, and with an energy that will open the Heavens and pour out blessings upon us.

What I want for you is the feeling that angels are surrounding you now more than ever.  And I really believe with all of my heart that we probably have more angels around us and with us than we have ever had before!  One of my favorite scriptures comes from the Doctrine and Covenants.  And for those of you that are not members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, that might be unfamiliar to you.  What I’m referring to is a book of blessings and revelations given to the early saints when this church was restored to the Earth.  If you would be interested in more information about that, please contact me, I would be so happy to share it with you.  

So one of my favorite passages from that book is in section 84 verse 88.  It reads:

And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face.  I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up. 

Don’t you just love that?  It is so comforting and beautiful. The first time that scripture impacted me deeply and became my favorite scripture was when I was in the psychiatric unit for the first time nearly 20 years ago! I remember feeling so alone, and so confused as to why things were happening the way they did.  My husband at the time was very thoughtful and knew how important the scriptures were to me.  Although I can’t remember a lot from that experience, I do remember that seeing my scriptures on the nightstand when I woke up, was such a comfort to me.  

I talked about Scripture study last week and how important that is.  And I think that they speak to us each in different ways.  For me, being able to open the scriptures and have the Lord speak directly to me, happens quite regularly.  Not all the time.  Sometimes I am in desperate need of an answer or help and it’s nowhere to be found.  But on many occasions I can open them and immediately be inspired, comforted or directed.  And I believe that the reason for that is because the Lord, our Savior, is so interested in our well being.  And He loves us so much!  If we come to Him broken and alone He is not going to leave us comfortless! He has promised us this.

When I originally started my blog, I did it because I was inspired by the Lord to share my experiences of living with Bipolar in the hopes that it would be somewhat of a comfort to those who are living with some form of mental illness.  I wanted to talk about what I was going through, because people seemed to be so uninformed and afraid to talk about it.  It was, and still is quite frankly, something that people hesitate and are fearful to talk about.  And yet so, so many people suffer in silence because it is an illness that can’t be seen by the naked eye.  I can tell you from experience that the last thing those that suffer want is to be shunned because of something that we did not choose.  

Just like no one would choose to be diagnosed with cancer or any other illness.  People with mental illness do not choose to be depressed.  And yet so many times I have heard people say hurtful things like, “you’re just making this up”, “you can get out of it, just get up and get out of the house”, or “why can’t you just be happy?” Believe me if it was that easy, we would all be snapping our fingers and jumping out of bed. However, it is much more difficult than that, and can take years sometimes to find the help so desperately needed.  

I pray every day that those suffering and feeling so alone, will feel the comfort, peace and strength that comes from the Master Healer.  He is there.  I promise you He is, and He is waiting with open arms to surround you with his love and strength.  

Many times those open arms are found in those around us and I am praying daily that this isolation and disconnectedness that we are going through will end soon.  That we will be able to embrace one another again.  I think we have seen how needed human contact is.  We are all desperately in need of love and that feeling of connection.  It just isn’t quite the same virtually as it is for real.  But, what a blessing the virtual world has been over this past year. Can you even imagine what it would be like to be completely isolated?  Unfortunately, there are those who don’t have access to that.  And I’m sure that they feel so alone, and don’t know where to turn. 

In a talk given in 2006 by our future Prophet, President Russell M. Nelson he said,

“I recognize that, on occasion, some of our most fervent prayers may seem to go unanswered. We wonder, “Why?” I know that feeling! I know the fears and tears of such moments. But I also know that our prayers are never ignored. Our faith is never unappreciated. I know that an all-wise Heavenly Father’s perspective is much broader than is ours. While we know of our mortal problems and pain, He knows of our immortal progress and potential. If we pray to know His will and submit ourselves to it with patience and courage, heavenly healing can take place in His own way and time.”

Now I know that in times like these when you are suffering that may not seem like much comfort. You might ask yourself what do I do in the meantime, while I wait?  While I feel so much pain?

And surely, I  don’t have all the answers to those questions.  But I do know this. Our Savior is waiting behind a door without a handle, for us to…. Just open the door.  It seems so effortless, and yet it is sometimes so difficult to turn ourselves over to Him.  

He says in another favorite scripture of mine from the bible in 

Revelation 3:20“Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.”

And in Matthew 14:27 But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer it is I; be not afraid.

And I love the imagery of that statement, straightway….  He didn’t take His time.  He was right there. And then immediately assuring…it is I, be not afraid!  He longs for us to reach out to Him.  He longs for us to feel peace.  He longs for us to trust Him.  He longs for us to hear Him!

I have often thought about how God made each of us as individuals, unique in our own special and eloquent ways.  We each have our own set of behaviors, character traits, problems, talents, trials, successes and failures. Not one of us alike, and yet not so different in so many ways.   Although, sometimes we feel like we are totally alone and that there is no one that feels the way we do about what is happening in our lives.  There is ONE!  We have a Savior who loves, cares, and suffered for us, so that we can overcome all that this life throws at us.  I am eternally grateful for that!  And I urge you to turn to Him in times of heartache and sorrow.  In times of confusion and distress.  In times of grief and pain.  Praise and give gratitude to Him in times of health and prosperity.  The truth is, He has given us so much, even our very lives.  And even though we feel broken and alone… He is the Healer, He is the ONE to turn to!

Get down on your knees and open your heart to Him. You can trust Him.  He will never forsake you. He will hear you.  He will comfort you straightway! He loves you that much.  And so do I.

XO Wendy

 

Daily Dose

Wow it’s been a hot minute hasn’t it? I really did not plan it to be like this however, I did take a 10 day trip to visit my family in Utah when my daughter had a new baby girl!  It was so much fun and a much needed break out of the pandemic routine. And for those of you wondering about travel.  Rest assured that the airlines are doing everything they possibly can to keep everybody safe while traveling and everyone that I saw was masked and being super careful to keep their social distance.  I’ve been home since the 10th and have not gotten ill, so I feel like I’m in the clear.  But I have missed you guys so much or at least missed writing and talking to you all.  And I felt moved this week to get back on it and hopefully I haven’t missed out on too many opportunities to help you grow closer to your Savior over these past weeks.

With that said, we will just jump right in to this week’s show.  When I was visiting Utah I had the chance to reflect on this past year and what I have learned and how I have grown.  I am choosing to look at it, not as a terrible, awful situation. Although, losing a loved one to this virus is definitely awful, and I if that is you, I want to send you my sincere condolences and please know that I am not diminishing those losses in any way. I was reflecting on how all of the Latter Day Saint temples around the world have been closed.  And just thinking about how much I have missed the strength and peace that comes from regular temple attendance.  

My husband was asked to speak in church on the blessings of the temple and when he practiced it for me, I was so touched by the spirit telling me that I can have that peace and strength that comes from the temple, within the walls of my own home.  I can find it in my own personal space, be it through meditation, scripture study, or just a moment of quiet time to myself. I was reminded of the quote that President Nelson shared in the April 2019 conference when he said “in coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost.” 

One of the blessings of attending the temple is the increased influence of the Spirit in our daily lives.  We are able to renew ordinances and strengthen our testimonies through attendance at the temple.  But can we find those same blessings in times like this when we are unable to attend the temple?  The answer is an unequivocal yes!

Absolutely! We can receive those same blessings of comfort, strength, and testimony building, within the walls of our own home.  But….. we have to want it.  We have to prioritize it. We have to work for it.  And it’s not easy.  Especially if you have young children who constantly demand attention.  If you live in a part member home.  If you are caring for loved ones who are ill.  If you struggle with mental illness or other ailments.  The list goes on.  We have so many challenges pulling at us from all directions.  And it can become quite daunting to find moments of peace and clarity from the spirit amongst it all.  But not impossible!

So let’s just talk about a few of the ways that we can make our homes a little bit of Heaven on Earth and fill them up with what I like to call “holy moments” or “holy minutes” for most of us.  

I am going to plug an app here just because I have found it to be so helpful for me in inviting the spirit to be with me more readily.   It is called “come follow me”. It’s icon is just a gold square with the words come follow me in white.  My daughter told me about this one when I was visiting and oh boy, I love it so much!  One, because it is right on my phone so I see it everytime I open my phone.  And two because it is just a quick dose of two of the most important things that I feel we can be doing to keep the spirit with us during these times.  The first one being, following along with the Come Follow Me lessons that the church puts out. And second, read the Book of Mormon daily. 

But what I have loved about this app is that it is bite sized doses!  Like, I am talking, a question prompt, a couple of verses and a quote or two.  So easy to get a 2-3 minute slice of study in.  Because let’s face it, for some of us this pandemic has made things even crazier than before and 2-3 minutes sometimes is a “holy moment”.  Generally I just use it for the Come Follow Me section and the Book of Mormon section.  But there is also a section for kids, and a section for general conference.  Seriously, it’s the best daily dose of goodness, and I highly recommend trying it!  And it’s FREE. 

So let’s just go back and talk about these two things, following along with the Come Follow Me lessons and reading the Book of Mormon daily.  

I have never had it testified to me more clearly that we indeed have a living prophet on the Earth today than when the pandemic hit and we already had the Come Follow me program in place.  In fact, we’d been studying it for over a year!  Not to mention many other changes that had taken place before, to help prepare us to make our homes more holy places. And many of us had already found ways to implement these programs into our lives and homes so it was a smooth transition.  I can’t even tell you what a sweet experience it was when we were able to partake of the holy sacrament in our own home.  And I know that many of you have had that same experience.

Having the come follow me program available to us at our very fingertips has been such an amazing tool to help us bring “holy moments” into our lives on a regular basis. That’s one of the reasons that I love the app so much is because it really does make it so easy.  Instead of scrolling mindlessly on Instagram or Facebook or pinterest or any of the other apps, just open this one and take a few short minutes to fill your cup. With all of the distractions that we are bombarded with daily, our spirits really need, crave actually, a dose of “holy moments” on the regular.  

That got me thinking about daily doses and I am a big supplement freak.  I am one of those crazy people that is going to go kicking and screaming into old age, lol.  I mean, age has it’s advantages for sure.  But I just don’t want all the crazy stuff that goes along with it.  So I take about a million supplements everyday, kidding, not kidding.  And I am vigilent in this!  I have my little daily pill container and each week I go through and fill up all the days and I am always on the lookout for new and better supplements.  My vitamin cupboard looks like a drug store shelf! But enough about that.  What I’m trying to say is that these “daily doses” or “holy moments” can literally be lifesaving and life extending if we allow them to be.  So what I encourage you to do is to try to implement “supplements” daily, from the Come Follow Me lessons.

Read just a paragraph with your family.  Or one or two verses of scripture.  Trying to do an entire lesson all at once can sometimes be overwhelming, for the giver as well as the receiver (especially if they are children).  Plus I believe it brings the lesson into focus each day allowing us to look for opportunities with our family to “create” holy moments.

Think of the great promise that President Nelson gave us in that same general conference. “I promise that as you continue to be obedient, expressing gratitude for every blessing the Lord gives you, and as you patiently honor the Lord’s timetable, you will be given the knowledge and understanding you seek. Every blessing the Lord has for you—even miracles—will follow.  I just love that promise so much and I have truly witnessed the miracles that he speaks of.

The second important way that we can increase our faith in Jesus Christ and have those holy moments is to put our face in the Book of Mormon every day.  I remember when Joe, my husband, was being taught by the missionaries before he was baptized.  They told of an experience where Elder Bednar of the 12 apostles came to speak with them.  They said he spoke for like 2 hours straight without any notes!!!! Crazy!  Anyway, at the end he left all of the missionaries with an apostolic blessing.  He promised them that if they would read the Book of Mormon everyday that they would never fall away from the church when they returned home.  Since I had gone through my own faith crisis shortly before that, I vowed that I would try to read the Book of Mormon every day so that I would never fall away again.  And I can truly testify that this has been such a strength to my testimony of the Savior and of his love for each of us.  There have been so many times that I have been struggling and have opened up the Book of Mormon to exactly the passage that I needed at that particular moment. 

For example, right before the pandemic hit, we had a tornado here in Nashville.  I was so distraught over it and I was constantly thinking about it and having anxiety about it happening again. Luckily we did not receive any damage but lots of people we knew well did.  The temples were still open,  so I decided that I’d go to see if I could find some personal peace.  I’m so glad I did because the temples closed the next week. That day it was so peaceful as it always is.  The cares of the world just melted away.  But after the service, I grabbed the Book of Mormon and randomly opened it.  I believe that this was one of the holy moments that I’ve been talking about, I am not even kidding when I say this is the exact spot I opened to.  

Heleman 5:12 It reads,  And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.

That scripture became such a strength to me as a few days later we were told to shelter in place… for who knew how long, as this virus would overtake the world.

This experience is not singular.  I have had so many times since I first heard that promise of reading daily, that I have had scriptures come into my mind at the exact time I needed them.  Or when my daily reading included something that was important to whatever I was experiencing that day.  Since I have been doing this I have felt my testimony of our Savior and of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon increase. I love the Book of Mormon so much because it draws me closer to my Savior with every page. 

So I encourage you to put a dose of the Book of Mormon into your daily habits.  It doesn’t have to be long or drawn out.  Just one verse a day and I promise your faith will grow and your life will be impacted in a positive way. I thought of  another promise that Dale G Renlund shared in a recent conference address about temple and family history work. He said of the blessings that can come to us, one is increased faith, so that conversion to the Savior becomes deep and abiding.”  I love that word “abiding”. It means that it STAYS or LASTS A LONG TIME.  So essentially our conversion to the Savior becomes deeper and stays with us longer when we are taking the time to bring the spirit into our lives daily.  And isn’t that what our ultimate goal should be?

 

So there it is.  Two ways that you can increase the spirit and make your home more of a temple.  Study the Come Follow Me lessons daily and put your face in the Book of Mormon every day!

 

I will not leave you comfortless

Good morning! Well actually…it didn’t start off as a good morning. It started off like this: (you can listen to it in a little more detail by clicking on the podcast link.)

It started out with my usual morning routine.

Journal entry: “I’m tired today. And feeling just kind of blah. I think I slept pretty good. But my motivation is pretty much drained. It’s frustrating to me that I can just wake up and feel yucky for no good reason. I hate bipolar! I hate that it’s just always there. I hate that despite trying so hard to do all the right things that it just is there… If I miss a workout or maybe eat the wrong foods or my sleep is off a little. It’s just frustrating and I hate that I am broken.

Luckily God restores broken… eventually. And I know This, but hard days are just HARD. And there is just no way of getting away from that.

Gratitude: Grateful I have a husband who tries to understand and catches me when I fall.”

Scripture Journal: (still distracted and trying to sort things out) “I guess I should have seen it coming. It’s kind of like a freight train… I can’t hear it until it gets close and starts blaring the whistle, and then its too late. It’s already here. And I have to back track and ask why? What did I do different? Why is it coming or happening now? And a part of me just wants to go back to bed and not deal with these feelings of despair and worthlessness. I hate it and I hate that my children will probably have to deal with it at some point.

A thought comes to my mind.  I will not leave you comfortless.  And suddenly I have to find the scripture that those words come from. It’s palpable, I desperately need to find it. I go to my phone, the Gospel Library App. I click it open….and there it is staring me so hard in the face that I had to take a screenshot to prove to myself that this actually happened. It clicked right to comfortless: will not leave you comfortless, John 14:18!

I must have been in the topical guide when I last studied but I don’t remember searching this topic. But God knew. He knew that I would need this today.

This is what I wrote after to document my experience: Sometimes we go to God and sometimes He comes to us. That’s how I felt this morning. I could feel the depression settling in like a black storm cloud that I have grown accustomed to feeling. Waiting to enfold me in its blackness. And just when the tears began to fall and I was feeling so alone, I had a thought. Not my thought. It was the spirit sending me this message. “I will not leave you comfortless”… Where is that scripture I thought and I grabbed for my phone to look it up in the Topical guide to search it out. And then… a miracle.

 

I don’t know how He does it. I guess because He is God and He knows what we need when we need it. It was almost as if He was saying… No really– I won’t. You see it was the VERY FIRST thing that popped up when I opened the app. I didn’t even search it out. Staring up at me from the phone was the word comfortless, will not leave you comfortless, it read. And the scripture reference. Here’s the screen shot I had to take to remind myself how quickly God works sometimes. I couldn’t believe that for some crazy reason, it just happened to be on that exact page when I needed it the most. I needed to know that He knows where I’m at and what I’m feeling. And He was reminding me with absolutely no room to even doubt, that He does. He really does know me individually and wants what’s best for me.

And for you as well! You are His and He is yours.

As I thought about that word and that promise I am reminded of the covenants that I renew each week in church as I partake of His sacraments. (I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and we do this each week to remind us of the covenants that we made with the Lord when we were baptized.) I promise that I will keep His commandments that I will always remember Him, that I will take His name upon me. And then He promises me that I will ALWAYS have His spirit to be with me.

As I contemplated on that I realized that promise is one of the greatest promises that we can have. It’s no wonder or no mistake that those prayers are repeated to us every single week. He wants us to know without room at all to doubt…. that He will never, ever, even in our darkest moments, that He will not leave us comfortless. That we will ALWAYS have His spirit to be with us.

I think I may have to frame that scripture to remind me daily that I am worthy of His comfort. I am His and even through the times in our days and in our lives, He says, “I will not leave you comfortless and the final phrase of the scripture….. I WILL COME TO YOU!”

John 14:18

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

XO Wendy

He restores playlist

Stories of gratitude

Gatitude what is
Below is the final episode of the season 1 podcast pointing toward hope.  Tune in.  See you there!

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1304677/6552526-episode-12-stories-of-gratitude.js?container_id=buzzsprout-player-6552526&player=small

Take Courage

Take courage

You can listen to this post here

“If I may speak to you individually … may I suggest that your personal struggles — your individual sorrows, pains, tribulations, and infirmities of every kind — are all known to our Father in Heaven and to His Son. Take courage! Have faith! And believe in the promises of God!” —Evan A. Schmutz

The reason I started this blog, Pointing toward hope, was twofold.  First it was a way for me to document my journey through the trials of being diagnosed Bipolar.  But second and even more important to me was that I would be able to help someone else who might be going through similar situations.  I felt that if I could help just one person.  It would be so worth it. But what I have realized along the way is that we all take our turns on the struggle bus!  It doesn’t matter that my particular burden is not the same as yours. We can all help one another to become better, stronger, and most importantly, find hope.  So that is what I want to talk about today.  Hope! 

But first I want to share a scripture that we will talk about a little later but it’s one of my favorites.  It comes from the Doctrine and Covenants section 84:88 And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face.  I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you to bear you up.  

When I was a young mother, I had just had my fourth child.  There were some complications during the birthing process.  Consequently my precious tiny boy was rushed to Primary Children’s Medical Center in Salt Lake City.  For most of the 12 days that he spent in the NICU we wondered if he would be coming home at all.  It was heart wrenching to see that tiny little body lay lifeless in the incubator except for the machine that was helping him breath.  I remember feeling so overwhelmed with heartache, pain and anguish, blaming myself for something that I may have done during my pregnancy.  I had wished so hard for this baby to be born early and now he was, (2 weeks) and at what cost?  What had I done? It was a terrifying experience that many young couples experience when their child is born with medical issues.  Luckily for us, his stay was brief and we were able to bring him home with just a feeding tube, which he was able to go without, in just a few days of being home.

It wasn’t long after that experience that I started to have some serious postpartum depression.  Which eventually moved into full blown manic depression.  I had 4 young kids, all under the age of 6!  I knew that I needed help. I just wasn’t sure how to find it.  And so it went on for several months.  I’d had postpartum depression with each of my kids but it had subsided eventually and I’d been able to move forward with life.  But this time with the combination of having complications and then 3 other very young children.  It just became super overwhelming. I remember one day getting breakfast for my oldest before he would go off to kindergarten.  I grabbed a box of cheerios out of the cupboard and it slipped out of my hands and onto the floor scattering cheerios everywhere.  I was in such a state of hopelessness and despair that it was like the last straw.  I just sat in the middle of the floor and started sobbing.  I was screaming at the Lord in my head.  Why?  Why is this happening?  Why aren’t you helping me?  How do I go forward when everything just seems so out of control?

Finally after what seemed like an eternity (but was probably just a few minutes), my 4 year old daughter came into the kitchen.  She looked at the mess and then she put her hand on my shoulder, she climbed into my lap and hugged me and said “It’s ok mommy.” And at that moment I felt the Lord’s arms encircling me in His love.  In a few minutes my daughter got up and she started picking up cheerios one by one. (lol).  That was going to take a while, I thought.

Eventually I was able to get up and clean up the mess, get breakfast and take my son to school.  Which was another major chore with 3 other littles that couldn’t be left alone.  So I would have to pack up car seats and buckle them all in and just everything that goes along with that.  But it was tender mercies like that little sliver of light that came from a 4 year old that kept me going.  It was around that time period that I realized that I did have a choice.   For so long I had believed that this was something that I just had to endure.  I hadn’t been clinically diagnosed at that point, but I was familiar enough with postpartum and I believed that was what I was still dealing with.  I remember the thought coming to me as clear as a bell one day as I was feeling hopeless and lost.  You do have a choice you know?  I thought about it again.  I do have a choice.  I can sit here and live with this horrible feeling of despair and hopelessness OR I could get up and do something about it!  I don’t know where the strength came from that day.  Maybe it was angels surrounding me bearing me up.  But I do know that I realized without a shadow of a doubt in that moment I DID HAVE a CHOICE.  And despite what you may think about your own struggles and trials, you also have a choice!

I am privileged to be in many facebook groups and I follow a number of people online that are such an inspiration to me.  We didn’t have those back in the day.  One woman that I follow has gone through her own struggle these past several years as she lost her husband due to mental illness.  I have loved seeing how courageously she has faced this gigantic burden head on.  She has since written a book about her experiences and speaks on many podcasts and events.  She talked about choice in one of her recent posts and it went along so well with what I have been thinking about that I was to share it with you.  Her name is Kayla Steck and the book is called fear gone wild.  I haven’t read it yet but I am sure if it is anything like her page, it’s complete inspiration!  This is what she said in a recent post.  And I want you to insert whatever it is that is your particular struggle where she writes the word death.

“Death (insert struggle) sometimes steals our entire life, but when we hang on, when we push through, when we fight to rebuild again and again and again we are choosing to take back our life.”

I love that because it reminded me of that time that I realized, I do have a choice.  I don’t have to live like this.  I CAN and will take back my life!

Anyway back to my story.  The day that I had that thought about choice was the day that I picked up the phone and made my first appointment with a therapist. I pretty much counted down the days until I was able to go.  I was so in need of encouragement and strength.  I felt like my life was hanging in the balance.  I remember waiting in the lobby to be seen and having all kinds of unfamiliar feelings.  Was it going to be good?  What would they say? How long would it take?  And all the things.

She called me back and we talked about what I’d been going through.  I felt strangely comforted to just be able to unload all the pressure and worries and stress that I’d been experiencing to a total stranger who didn’t have any previous knowledge about my life.  No preconceived thoughts.  Her only job was to figure out where I would go next.  

If you have never been to therapy, I can’t recommend it enough.  It is so worth every penny!  I remember her looking me straight in the eyes and saying.  Well my dear, (she called me dear, which I so loved), if you ask me you have two choices. The first one is that you can do nothing (that is a choice BTW) and live with the struggles and challenges and stresses that you’re already well aware of.  OR, choice two.  You can take your life back!  There are medications that are designed to help you with what you are going through.  At that point I never knew that was an option.  I figured we’d just talk it through and be done with it.  Which actually works great for many, many people.  But when she described it like that to me, I knew that in order to continue to survive I needed help as quickly and as easily as possible.  And that’s when I had my first experience with anti-depressants.  Which worked out great for a long time.  It definitely helped to lift that cloud of despair and hopelessness so that I could continue to work on becoming better.

Now to be clear, I am not pushing medication at all.  It was just what I needed at the time to be able to function and work through everything.  But even more importantly than medication and what had started the ball moving for me, was screaming at God on the kitchen floor that day.  You see, God is not the typical caregiver.  We read in Psalm 147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.  That is His only objective. To heal us, to bind up our wounds.  To help us find peace amidst the struggle.  To find light in the deepest recesses of darkness. 

I know right now at this time in our lives, we are all exhausted!  We are over it.  Being stuck at home, kept away from others physically, struggling with work and businesses, just trying to survive.  Having world unrest and calamities come from every angle it seems.  But here is a thought for you. “What if you just tried on “making a choice to find hope in the hopeless, for size?  What if you just tried on “happy” for size?  What if you just tried on “seeing the little sliver of light” for size?  If you don’t like it, you can always take it back off.  I guess what I am saying is  that courage is a choice.

I love my Jesus, He always comes through for me.  When I was struggling with my littles, when I went through depression time and time again, when I went through my divorce.  And even when I walked away from Him for a while.  He never ever abandoned me.  One of my other favorite scriptures that the Lord put on my heart today is Jeremiah 29:11  I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you HOPE and a future!  It hangs in a frame in our bathroom so I get to look at and be reminded multiple time a day.  

But this morning as I was studying I came upon this scripture and it definitely spoke to me as I was thinking about hope and how to help you who may be feeling hopelessness in this moment.  It is found in Alma 22:16 of the Book of Mormon:  If thou desirest this thing, if thou wilt bow down before God yea, if thou wilt repent of all they sins, and will bow down before God, and call on his name in faith, believing that ye shall receive, THEN shalt thou receive the hope which thou desirest.

So this is the way that I interpreted that scripture today.  This is the way that it spoke to me.  Basically there are 4 steps to get the hope that you desire.  1.  You have to want to find it… If thou desirest this thing.  2. bow down before God (in your closet, on your kitchen floor, in your attic, where ever it is that you go to cry unto Jesus) and incidentally I did look up the definition of bow and it said to change in character or form, change of attitude, emotion or viewpoint… so maybe try on something different for size? 3. Call upon His name (cry, kick, scream, whatever it takes.  He is not the typical caregiver.  He is not going to scold us for our tantrum… He is just going to love us harder.  And finally 4. Believe!  Just believe that He can take away your pain…. THEN shalt thou receive the hope which thou desirest!

I would love to leave it right there.  But I have one final thought that I think is really important to note.  “It’s ok to not be ok!  It is.  Maybe that is the season that you are in right now.  Don’t let the world add more pressure if you’re already overwhelmed.  It’s ok if all you can do this week is survive.  In fact that’s the most important thing!”  And that is a quote from Bouncing Forward.  

Remember my friends, you are loved!  You are enough!  And you can do this!  Fight on my warrior friend, I love you!

XO Wendy