Stories of gratitude

Gatitude what is
Below is the final episode of the season 1 podcast pointing toward hope.  Tune in.  See you there!

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Take Courage

Take courage

You can listen to this post here

“If I may speak to you individually … may I suggest that your personal struggles — your individual sorrows, pains, tribulations, and infirmities of every kind — are all known to our Father in Heaven and to His Son. Take courage! Have faith! And believe in the promises of God!” —Evan A. Schmutz

The reason I started this blog, Pointing toward hope, was twofold.  First it was a way for me to document my journey through the trials of being diagnosed Bipolar.  But second and even more important to me was that I would be able to help someone else who might be going through similar situations.  I felt that if I could help just one person.  It would be so worth it. But what I have realized along the way is that we all take our turns on the struggle bus!  It doesn’t matter that my particular burden is not the same as yours. We can all help one another to become better, stronger, and most importantly, find hope.  So that is what I want to talk about today.  Hope! 

But first I want to share a scripture that we will talk about a little later but it’s one of my favorites.  It comes from the Doctrine and Covenants section 84:88 And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face.  I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you to bear you up.  

When I was a young mother, I had just had my fourth child.  There were some complications during the birthing process.  Consequently my precious tiny boy was rushed to Primary Children’s Medical Center in Salt Lake City.  For most of the 12 days that he spent in the NICU we wondered if he would be coming home at all.  It was heart wrenching to see that tiny little body lay lifeless in the incubator except for the machine that was helping him breath.  I remember feeling so overwhelmed with heartache, pain and anguish, blaming myself for something that I may have done during my pregnancy.  I had wished so hard for this baby to be born early and now he was, (2 weeks) and at what cost?  What had I done? It was a terrifying experience that many young couples experience when their child is born with medical issues.  Luckily for us, his stay was brief and we were able to bring him home with just a feeding tube, which he was able to go without, in just a few days of being home.

It wasn’t long after that experience that I started to have some serious postpartum depression.  Which eventually moved into full blown manic depression.  I had 4 young kids, all under the age of 6!  I knew that I needed help. I just wasn’t sure how to find it.  And so it went on for several months.  I’d had postpartum depression with each of my kids but it had subsided eventually and I’d been able to move forward with life.  But this time with the combination of having complications and then 3 other very young children.  It just became super overwhelming. I remember one day getting breakfast for my oldest before he would go off to kindergarten.  I grabbed a box of cheerios out of the cupboard and it slipped out of my hands and onto the floor scattering cheerios everywhere.  I was in such a state of hopelessness and despair that it was like the last straw.  I just sat in the middle of the floor and started sobbing.  I was screaming at the Lord in my head.  Why?  Why is this happening?  Why aren’t you helping me?  How do I go forward when everything just seems so out of control?

Finally after what seemed like an eternity (but was probably just a few minutes), my 4 year old daughter came into the kitchen.  She looked at the mess and then she put her hand on my shoulder, she climbed into my lap and hugged me and said “It’s ok mommy.” And at that moment I felt the Lord’s arms encircling me in His love.  In a few minutes my daughter got up and she started picking up cheerios one by one. (lol).  That was going to take a while, I thought.

Eventually I was able to get up and clean up the mess, get breakfast and take my son to school.  Which was another major chore with 3 other littles that couldn’t be left alone.  So I would have to pack up car seats and buckle them all in and just everything that goes along with that.  But it was tender mercies like that little sliver of light that came from a 4 year old that kept me going.  It was around that time period that I realized that I did have a choice.   For so long I had believed that this was something that I just had to endure.  I hadn’t been clinically diagnosed at that point, but I was familiar enough with postpartum and I believed that was what I was still dealing with.  I remember the thought coming to me as clear as a bell one day as I was feeling hopeless and lost.  You do have a choice you know?  I thought about it again.  I do have a choice.  I can sit here and live with this horrible feeling of despair and hopelessness OR I could get up and do something about it!  I don’t know where the strength came from that day.  Maybe it was angels surrounding me bearing me up.  But I do know that I realized without a shadow of a doubt in that moment I DID HAVE a CHOICE.  And despite what you may think about your own struggles and trials, you also have a choice!

I am privileged to be in many facebook groups and I follow a number of people online that are such an inspiration to me.  We didn’t have those back in the day.  One woman that I follow has gone through her own struggle these past several years as she lost her husband due to mental illness.  I have loved seeing how courageously she has faced this gigantic burden head on.  She has since written a book about her experiences and speaks on many podcasts and events.  She talked about choice in one of her recent posts and it went along so well with what I have been thinking about that I was to share it with you.  Her name is Kayla Steck and the book is called fear gone wild.  I haven’t read it yet but I am sure if it is anything like her page, it’s complete inspiration!  This is what she said in a recent post.  And I want you to insert whatever it is that is your particular struggle where she writes the word death.

“Death (insert struggle) sometimes steals our entire life, but when we hang on, when we push through, when we fight to rebuild again and again and again we are choosing to take back our life.”

I love that because it reminded me of that time that I realized, I do have a choice.  I don’t have to live like this.  I CAN and will take back my life!

Anyway back to my story.  The day that I had that thought about choice was the day that I picked up the phone and made my first appointment with a therapist. I pretty much counted down the days until I was able to go.  I was so in need of encouragement and strength.  I felt like my life was hanging in the balance.  I remember waiting in the lobby to be seen and having all kinds of unfamiliar feelings.  Was it going to be good?  What would they say? How long would it take?  And all the things.

She called me back and we talked about what I’d been going through.  I felt strangely comforted to just be able to unload all the pressure and worries and stress that I’d been experiencing to a total stranger who didn’t have any previous knowledge about my life.  No preconceived thoughts.  Her only job was to figure out where I would go next.  

If you have never been to therapy, I can’t recommend it enough.  It is so worth every penny!  I remember her looking me straight in the eyes and saying.  Well my dear, (she called me dear, which I so loved), if you ask me you have two choices. The first one is that you can do nothing (that is a choice BTW) and live with the struggles and challenges and stresses that you’re already well aware of.  OR, choice two.  You can take your life back!  There are medications that are designed to help you with what you are going through.  At that point I never knew that was an option.  I figured we’d just talk it through and be done with it.  Which actually works great for many, many people.  But when she described it like that to me, I knew that in order to continue to survive I needed help as quickly and as easily as possible.  And that’s when I had my first experience with anti-depressants.  Which worked out great for a long time.  It definitely helped to lift that cloud of despair and hopelessness so that I could continue to work on becoming better.

Now to be clear, I am not pushing medication at all.  It was just what I needed at the time to be able to function and work through everything.  But even more importantly than medication and what had started the ball moving for me, was screaming at God on the kitchen floor that day.  You see, God is not the typical caregiver.  We read in Psalm 147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.  That is His only objective. To heal us, to bind up our wounds.  To help us find peace amidst the struggle.  To find light in the deepest recesses of darkness. 

I know right now at this time in our lives, we are all exhausted!  We are over it.  Being stuck at home, kept away from others physically, struggling with work and businesses, just trying to survive.  Having world unrest and calamities come from every angle it seems.  But here is a thought for you. “What if you just tried on “making a choice to find hope in the hopeless, for size?  What if you just tried on “happy” for size?  What if you just tried on “seeing the little sliver of light” for size?  If you don’t like it, you can always take it back off.  I guess what I am saying is  that courage is a choice.

I love my Jesus, He always comes through for me.  When I was struggling with my littles, when I went through depression time and time again, when I went through my divorce.  And even when I walked away from Him for a while.  He never ever abandoned me.  One of my other favorite scriptures that the Lord put on my heart today is Jeremiah 29:11  I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you HOPE and a future!  It hangs in a frame in our bathroom so I get to look at and be reminded multiple time a day.  

But this morning as I was studying I came upon this scripture and it definitely spoke to me as I was thinking about hope and how to help you who may be feeling hopelessness in this moment.  It is found in Alma 22:16 of the Book of Mormon:  If thou desirest this thing, if thou wilt bow down before God yea, if thou wilt repent of all they sins, and will bow down before God, and call on his name in faith, believing that ye shall receive, THEN shalt thou receive the hope which thou desirest.

So this is the way that I interpreted that scripture today.  This is the way that it spoke to me.  Basically there are 4 steps to get the hope that you desire.  1.  You have to want to find it… If thou desirest this thing.  2. bow down before God (in your closet, on your kitchen floor, in your attic, where ever it is that you go to cry unto Jesus) and incidentally I did look up the definition of bow and it said to change in character or form, change of attitude, emotion or viewpoint… so maybe try on something different for size? 3. Call upon His name (cry, kick, scream, whatever it takes.  He is not the typical caregiver.  He is not going to scold us for our tantrum… He is just going to love us harder.  And finally 4. Believe!  Just believe that He can take away your pain…. THEN shalt thou receive the hope which thou desirest!

I would love to leave it right there.  But I have one final thought that I think is really important to note.  “It’s ok to not be ok!  It is.  Maybe that is the season that you are in right now.  Don’t let the world add more pressure if you’re already overwhelmed.  It’s ok if all you can do this week is survive.  In fact that’s the most important thing!”  And that is a quote from Bouncing Forward.  

Remember my friends, you are loved!  You are enough!  And you can do this!  Fight on my warrior friend, I love you!

XO Wendy

Find your light again

Today we are talking about light. And boy, don’t we all need a little light in our life these days?

The past couple of months have been super challenging.  I know that I am not the only one that feels this way.  It’s ironic because back in February before all the craziness started, I felt better physically, mentally and emotionally than I had in a very long time.  Stronger.  More equipped to fight off the adversary.  More confident, after struggling for so long to regain what I felt being diagnosed Bipolar, had taken away from me.  Courage to face the challenges that would come my way.  Little did I know what myself and others would be facing over the next several months.

Life has a way of throwing curve balls at you, doesn’t it?  I don’t know if there is anything that could have prepared us for what we have all been through over the past several months.   And on top of the many circumstances that each of us have faced together, many have had to face the normal day to day challenges and inevitable trials that unexpectedly would come our way in our so-called “normal” pre-Covid life.

As I have been struggling, I have been searching for ways to pull myself out of the funk that I have been in. To find the light.  Sometimes, in this ever darkening world it gets harder and harder to find the light.  We start to ask questions such as who am I?  Where am I going?  What is my mission?  Do I even have a mission?  Do I matter?  What is my purpose in this life?  These are  questions that we ask ourselves in times of darkness.  Or when we are really struggling to find the light.  The light of Christ.  The light within ourselves.  The light of others.  So how do we answer the tough questions?  How do we find the light? 

Well wouldn’t you know it as I have been pondering these questions, especially the last couple of weeks, God came through with something that I needed.  And maybe you need it too so I thought I’d share.  It’s important for me to say that it didn’t just happen.  I have been praying for days to feel better and re-gain that strength and faith and courage that I had just a few short months ago.  As I have mentioned many, many times, we can’t just wait for it, we have to look for it and ask for it.  

In Matthew 7:7-8

7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

 And so I thought I would just put that to the test, as I have on many occasions.  It is such a great promise from the Lord.  And the Lord will never let us down.

And so I asked Him.  Where do I find the light?  And when I asked I realized that the first step was exactly what I was doing.  To look to the light for answers.  

In John 8:12 we read 

Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.

Jesus Christ our Savior is the ultimate example of light and hope.  He is the giver of light, the light of the world.  So merely by looking to Him and asking Him for help will bring a measure of light that can’t be found elsewhere in this world. How reassuring is that?  He is our exemplar and our strength.  He is the “light in the darkness”.  

From the words of the Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? 

When we choose to follow him and make Him the center of our lives we are choosing to become like Him. Our fears will be replaced by courage and we will have a desire to reflect that light in our own lives.

In a talk given in October of 2015 by President Thomas S. Monson, says, “To each of you, I say that you are a son or daughter of our Heavenly Father. You have come from His presence to live on this earth for a season, to reflect the Savior’s teachings, and bravely let your light shine for all to see.”

Upon reading that, immediately a quote came to mind that I used to repeat over and over when I was practicing daily affirmations (which is probably a practice I should return to.  It can be so helpful.), it goes like this  “There are two ways of spreading light, to be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it!” 

How do we find the light again?  The way is simple, we can find our light again by looking to the Savior for guidance and peace and by following the path he marked for us. 

President Monson goes on to say “Life is perfect for none of us, and at times the challenges and difficulties we face may become overwhelming, causing our light to dim.  However, with help from our Heavenly Father, coupled with the support from others, we can regain that light which will illuminate our own path once again and provide the light others may need.”

So then I thought about the mirror or reflection, and I was reminded of the scripture from the sermon on the mount.  

Matthew 5:16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in Heaven.

And then in 1 Timothy 4:12 … but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.

So in essence we draw our strength, our light, from the Savior and then reflect that light to those around us.  And you know the crazy thing about that is that when we do that, the light comes back to us.  It’s like a boomerang effect.  The more you throw out light, love, peace, kindness, the more you are filled with it yourself.

I have thought about this phenomenon and also of the opposite which would come from the adversary.  Satan would have us remain in isolation, loneliness, and darkness.  Questioning ourselves and what our purpose is.  He would love nothing more than to have us succumb to depression, to anger, to bitterness.  But that’s not who we were meant to be.  That’s not who we were created to be.

We were created to be lovers of light.  Lovers of “The Light” our Savior who completed the ultimate sacrifice for us.  Who suffered for all the hurt, pain, and loneliness that we feel.  We were created to be givers of light!  Our purpose is unquestionable in my opinion. Our purpose as believers of our Savior is to bring that light of Christ to others.  That’s it, that’s our purpose

Now our mission or our calling is different and that’s a whole other show. So we can talk about that another time.

But, our purpose is to remember that there are two ways of spreading that light, the light of Christ.  To be the candle, OR the mirror that reflects it.  That’s the boomerang effect.  We can BE the light to others.  But, we can also REFLECT that light that is given to us through others’ light.  It’s so cool how that works!  Whatever you send out into the world be it love, kindness, peace, it is going to bounce back to you!

Unfortunately, the boomerang effect can work in the opposite way as well concerning darkness.  If we dish it out negativity, ill will, anger, and contention, we get it back. That is not God’s way.   There is only one place that all of that comes from.  And that is Satan.  He would have us believe that evil is good, and good is evil.  Isaiah warns of this when he says in Isaiah 5:20

20 ¶ Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!

But let’s not dwell on this because it truly is not God’s way.

President Monson went on to say. “each of us came to earth having been given the light of Christ. As we follow the example of the Savior and live as He lived and as He taught, that light will burn within us and will light the way for others.” 

Now I am going to get a little vulnerable and tell you an experience about how letting your light shine affected me in such a big, big way.

When I went through my divorce 10 yrs ago, I really struggled.  It was a terrible time trying to figure out what to do and where to go next. And I was bitter.  I’m not going to lie about that.  I had friends that I felt abandoned me when I needed them most.  But I tried really hard not to let that influence my decisions, but it truly did shake my faith.  It was one of the reasons that I walked away from my church.  I felt that if that was the way members of my faith acted when someone needed them most, then that wasn’t something I wanted to be a part of.  I felt that the people in the church should be that reflection of what we preached about each week.  Of our Savior.  And I knew that my Savior would never treat me that way.  I moved out of the area and subsequently went to a different building of the same faith.  I was welcomed there but I still felt that touch of judgement when people learned of my divorce.  But I kept going because I knew my Savior didn’t feel that way about me.  I tried so hard to stay close to my Savior.  But it got harder and harder as I felt more and more ostresized.  Looking back, it wasn’t so much their fault as it was mine.  I could have been more forgiving of the way that I was treated.  But I was hurting and sometimes when people are hurting they don’t look at things in a logical way.  

Any way, When I moved to Nashville in 2012 there was a  certain woman who truly stood out as a light for me from the Savior. She lived in my neighborhood and  every time that I did come to church (and it wasn’t that often) she made sure that I knew that she knew that I was there.   She reached out and tried to find things in common.  She was a lifeline making a mark on my life that literally saved it, when the time came.  When I went through my health problems, she was the one that I knew I could reach out to.  She was the one that I knew, no matter what she was doing, would drop everything to come to my rescue.  And she did. When I suffered through my two back to back times in the hospital she was there to help pick up the pieces.  She probably didn’t even know how much her small acts of kindness changed my heart.  Many, many times I remember her being so friendly and kind and doing her best to make me feel welcome and loved.  She was such a light in my life when I really, really needed it.

Looking back, I can’t blame those friends for not reaching out.  Sometimes we encounter awkward situations where we just don’t know how to respond or what to do.  But what I have learned through this experience is that it really doesn’t matter how small your gesture.  A phone call, a text, a smile, a hug can all go a very long way when someone is going through something difficult and just needs to see a tiny sliver of light.

I can speak from experience when I say it’s not an easy process to find your way back to the light. To trust in and look to the Savior. It takes time, it takes faith, it takes healing.  But I promise you that if you can do that, if you can put your trust in Him, He will bring the light back into your life again.  Don’t give up.  Don’t give in.  There’s always a way!

As your faith in Jesus Christ grows and you glean from his example the light can’t help but shine through you.  You will be able to help not only yourself, but others who “labour and are heavy laden” to find rest in Him and to find peace. And especially to find that light in themselves again!  Because oftentimes that is where the real struggle is. 

So…turn to the Savior!  Find your light again.  And then ask yourself, what kind of mark will I make in the lives of those around me?  What kind of light will I hold up?  What kind of reflection will I be? 

Put some real thought into those questions.  Journal about them.  Write down your journey towards finding your light.  And then, remember all of this as we approach this season of giving and of love when we remember the birth of our Savior.  When we come upon a new year and take time to re-evaluate our lives and our priorities.  What kinds of changes can you make that will help you to rekindle that light in yourself? And then how can you use that as a boomerang effect so you continue receiving more light? Because if you can do that, I promise you that you will have an endless supply of light in your lamp when the time comes that you really need it.  And you will have ample to share with others along the way!

XO Wendy

Hands

It was barely dawn and I sat in the quiet.  I let the heat of my cup of hot chocolate warm my hands.  My heart was breaking because I was unable to use these hands to help because I am so far away.  I’m struggling with this thought as I hold the mug and let the heat of the cup burn into my useless hands.  And then as I ponder and plead and pray, the sun begins to peek up over the clouds and I am reminded that the sun always rises. It is a symbol to me, that the Son, our Savior Jesus Christ, who was put up upon the cross to die, was for the exact situation that my heart is breaking for in this very moment. 

As the tears fell, blurring my vision and the ink on my journal page.  I have another thought and I dry my eyes as I realize this is Him, my Savior sending me what I needed in this moment.  I am comforted to know that He will use another’s hands in place of mine, when I am not close enough to use my own.  

I am thinking about the pain that my friend is feeling in these moments.  How broken she must feel.  How lost alone. But God….I am reminded again, He will be there for her.

You see, as I have said many, many times, God is in the details. He meets us where we are and then takes us further than we could make it on our own.  In our broken fragile state, He heals.  He restores.  

In Mosiah 14:5-6 and also found in Isaiah 53:3-5 it reads

5 Surely he has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God and afflicted.  

6 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.   

This scripture is also found in Isaiah 53:3-5

My mind races with the thoughts she must be feeling. And then I feel a peace come over me becauseHe will make her whole again.  But not the same. No, she will never be the same.  

She will be different…. stronger, more capable, more empathetic and compassionate because she has suffered the unimaginable, not in spite of it.  

Brene Brown said. “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.”

I love that so much!  We can be a source of strength for another…His hands. After and sometimes even during, our struggle.

But as with all trials, our hearts will break for a time… it will come in waves slapping us from behind with no warning at all.  Our legs will buckle and we will fall to our knees over and over to beg for relief from the seemingly endless pain.  But the Lord can pick up the pieces and make us a new heart.  It sounds cliche’ the overused statement, “there is always a silver lining”, but that IS how the Lord works.  As said by Thisweeksgrace on IG “I never would have guessed He was this good. God exceeds expectations. He always does.  He will make life better than we could have expected.  He is that good!”

And yet, as we look around and see the despair, the grief, the longing, the anger, the hate, we wonder.  Is there anyone that sees ME in this moment?  Is there anyone out there that really sees ME. 

I have come to understand that we are not so different, you and I.  We struggle, we strive.  We bleed, we heal, we cry, we laugh.  We are indifferent, we are passionate.  We feel betrayal and we feel love. 

We may be of different faiths, races, creeds or cultures.  But we are one to Him who created us. And He wants us, expects us, to be His hands.

I recently read an article by Carole M. Stephens entitled The Master Healer.   In it she says, “As we increase our understanding of the doctrine of Christ, we soon discover that we are developing a deeper understanding of “the great plan of happiness.” We also recognize that our Savior, Jesus Christ, is at the very heart of the plan.”

She continues, “When we learn how to apply the doctrine of Christ to our individual circumstances, our love for our Savior grows. And we recognize “that regardless of perceived differences, all of us are in need of the same infinite Atonement.” We realize that He is our foundation—“the rock of our Redeemer, … a sure foundation … whereon if [we] build [we] cannot fall.”

I have often thought about how God made each of us as individuals, unique in our own special and eloquent ways.  We each have our own set of behaviors, character traits, problems, talents, trials, successes and failures. Not one of us alike, and yet not so different in so many ways.   Although, sometimes we feel like we are totally alone and that there is no one that feels the way we do about what is happening in our lives. But…God gave us each other! He gave us each hands and hearts to reach out and embrace when He can not be there to embrace us physically.  We are not alone!  

He also gave us a gift that is beyond our comprehension.  He gave us his only begotten Son, the Savior of the world.  A Savior who loves, cares, and suffered for us, so that we can overcome all that this life throws at us. 

We can and should turn to Him in times of heartache and sorrow as our first line of defense.  Let us glorify Him in times of health and prosperity as well as in times of despair and grief. But then, open your heart up to be loved by those who are sent BY Him for YOU.  Their hands can come and embrace you and start to heal your broken heart.

Deiter F. Uchtdorf once shared a story about Hands.  It reads, “A story is told that during the bombing of a city in World War II, a large statue of Jesus Christ was severely damaged. When the townspeople found the statue among the rubble, they mourned because it had been a beloved symbol of their faith and of God’s presence in their lives.

Experts were able to repair most of the statue, but its hands had been damaged so severely that they could not be restored. Some suggested that they hire a sculptor to make new hands, but others wanted to leave it as it was—a permanent reminder of the tragedy of war. Ultimately, the statue remained without hands. However, the people of the city added on the base of the statue of Jesus Christ, a sign with these words: “You are my hands.”

Elder Uchtdorf goes on to say that the way we become His hands is to embrace, comfort and serve.  I’ll link that talk in the show notes. It’s a good one.

I remember hearing a friend talk about a similar experience that she had as a teenager.  She had a small statue of Christ sitting on her dresser in her bedroom.  Unfortunately, I don’t remember the whole story except that she was very upset as teenagers sometimes are. She had stormed into her room and slammed the door shut behind her, the statue of Christ fell to the floor as she flopped onto the bed in tears.  When she realized that the statue had fallen, she reached down to set it back in it’s place. It was then that she realized that His delicate hands had been broken in the fall. She recalled how that was a reminder that in this particular situation that she had been upset about, she was being called to be His hands. 

Marjorie Paey Hinckley once said, “never suppress a generous thought.” Maybe it’s because she understood the power of hands.  Hands that work from a distance when God can’t be there in person. 

So I guess the question is how do we get better at becoming His hands? It’s so simple really, it’s all in the follow through. Let me explain my thought.

My stepson is a wonderful soccer player.  Which ironically, is a game played without hands.  We have been to so many games and practices and learned so much about the strategy of the game.  I remember one day when he was a few years younger, walking past the coach of another team and I heard him say, there are 3 things that I want you to remember when encountering your opponent and you have possession of the ball.  Stop, change your speed, change your direction.  Oh and one more thing.  After you have shot the ball toward the goal, don’t forget the follow through.”

As I recalled that experience today I thought, it’s much like receiving  a prompting from the Lord, or receiving a generous thought as Marjorie put it.  

First we receive the thought. Now we have possesion.  Next the trick is to maintain possession and not lose it.  That’s usually where we have the most trouble.  We start to second guess the Lord.  Was that really a prompting, or was it just my thought?  Or we start to doubt, “I can’t do that.  It’s too hard. They would think I’m weird.  Or we accept the prompting and then get distracted and lose it.  Or maybe we are so busy with so many things on our minds, that we forget about it and then pass it off as just a fleeting thought. My point is that we neglect the first reccomendation of the coach, to STOP. Just STOP and receive the ball.  Or in this case receive the prompting and maintain possession.

Second, change your speed.  In soccer this would mean, if you’re running fast, slow down.  If you’re in one spot, start running. When you change your speed it throws your opponent off balance and you can quickly maneuver around them. 

Comparing this to promptings, if you have a prompting or “generous thought”, and you’re in the middle of something, slow down.  Write it down, acknowledge it so you can keep possession.  Then you can follow through when you’re finished with your current task. If you’re not doing anything or mindlessly scrolling social media, get up and get going . Chop, chop! You have hands to fill and hearts to love on.

Third, change your direction. In soccer, the simple act of changing direction can immediately slow down your opponent because they are not anticipating the change. 

Sometimes we are prompted in ways to literally change direction.  I remember a time after I had been in the hospital and had started on my road to recovery.  Things were getting better and there had been a  lot of little miracles.  However the stress of our current situation had weighed heavily on my husband and he suddenly became very ill.  He wasn’t eating or sleeping and he had lost several pounds in just a few weeks.  I was extremely worried about him.   We both had no idea what was happening.  

One night we had been visiting with the sister missionaries in our church.  They had shared somewhat of a message with us and we had talked about the stress that he was under. He was not a member of the church of Jesus Christ at the time and not fully invested in learning anything more about it.  So they left and went on their way.  

About 15 minutes later we hear a knock on the door.  And the 2 young women stood awkwardly at the door.  One of them said, “you know we were on our way home and I got the feeling that we should turn around, come back and tell you something.  Then she said I asked her, (the other young woman she’d come with) what she thought about that” and she said, “You know , I was thinking the exact same thing”.  “So here we are”, she said.  

Joe and I looked at them and then looked at each other and opened the door wide for them to come in.

They then proceeded to tell Joe that even though he was not a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that he could still receive a priesthood blessing.  Joe looked at me a bit baffled about how to respond.  He didn’t even know what a priesthood blessing was. And for those of you listening that don’t know, a priesthood blessing is given by 2 male members of our church.  They lay their hands upon your head to call up on the power of God to heal you or comfort you.  I have seen many miracles come because of priesthood blessings.

I had requested a priesthood blessing when I was in the hospital (after leaving the church), and that had been a great source of comfort to me and had started the ball rolling toward me getting the help I needed.  But we had never considered that for him.  Looking back I knew in my heart, that in that moment, they were representing God’s hands in offering Joe something that God could not be there to do Himself.  He wanted someone to relay his message of comfort to Joe.  He wanted them to be His hands.  

And the cool thing about that experience is that those two girls didn’t hesitate on a dark winding, narrow, and hilly Tennesse road.  If you’ve ever been to Tenessee we have some really crazy roads!  But they just stopped the car and promptly changed direction and headed back our way.  He gladly accepted and it ended up being a great comfort to Him and me at that time.

And shortly thereafter he was able to receive the help he needed.

Now onto the follow through.  I remember one particular moment in a soccer game where one of our players had shot the ball toward the goal.  It looked like it was going to make it but it wasn’t rolling quite fast enough and the goalie was on the way to retrieve the ball, then out of nowhere my stepson came flying toward the ball faster than the goalie and shot it directly into the net.  A goal was scored and the team cheered.  That’s what is called a follow through.  Even when it looks like the goalie might get to it, you don’t stop, you continue forward in the hopes that you will make it before the goalie reaches it. (Link to that goal below, it’s awesome!)

https://spaces.hightail.com/receive/e7AMhwtptS/d2VuZHljYXJ0ZXIwMUBnbWFpbC5jb20=   

When considering promptings let’s review.  The 3 things to remember are Stop, change your speed, change your direction.  And finally don’t forget the follow through.  When it comes to the gospel of Jesus Christ, Love… is the follow through.

This is after all the second and great commandment found in Matthew 22:39

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself

The first one being verse 37 Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

Sometimes we do all the right things, we receive the prompting and maintain possession, we slow down or speed up whichever is required.  We change direction if needed.  But on occasion we forget the most important part, the follow through.  What I mean by that is that sometimes we get so caught up in the steps leading up to being God’s hands for someone in need, that we forget, that in and of itself LOVE is the follow through. Our hands, His hands, they embrace,  they comfort, they serve. 

Of course, all those steps leading up to the follow through are definitely a large part of it.  That’s important! But in order to make the goal we have to follow through we have to remember it’s all about LOVE.  Check in with that person regularly from time to time.  Don’t just drop and dart for lack of a better term.  Really embrace them, love them, comfort them and serve them as our Savior would want us to.  

In his talk, Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, “…let our hearts and hands be stretched out in compassion toward others, for everyone is walking his or her own difficult path. As disciples of Jesus Christ, our Master, we are called to support and heal rather than condemn.  We are commanded to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.” …Christ knows how to minister to others perfectly.  When the Savior stretches out His hands, those He touches are uplifted and become greater, stronger, and better people as a result.”

So let’s take a lesson from the pages of our Savior’s life.  Let’s let our hands help others be uplifted, become greater, stronger and better people as a result of us using our hands as His to LOVE them when they so desperately need His LOVE.

God has given us so much!  Is it too much to ask that we use OUR HANDS for His?

XO Wendy

Where do we go from here?

Breathe

As I walked back to my house one early morning this week, through the brisk cool air and heard these words it was like magic to my soul.  I was listening to a podcast that had a guest that was sharing a harrowing experience about her life (All in: Brooke Snow).  And when she said these words “Christ is the breath of life”, it stopped me in my tracks.  You might say it took my breath away for a minute.  I let it sink in and wash over me.  As I listened to her experience, thoughts of my struggle with mental illness raced through my mind.  Time after time when Christ had become the breath in whom I trusted to help me make it through another day.

This pandemic has been a hard punch in the gut for a lot of people.  It has literally taken the breath away from most of us in all different ways.  It has caused us to reflect and remember the things that should take priority in our lives.  And it has been HARD.  In so many ways it has been hard.  So where do we go from here?  How do we move forward when at times it feels so paralyzing?

All of the plans that we had for this year have been irrevocably changed and we can never go back and change what we’ve missed.  Weddings, funerals, graduations, trips, and events.   Some people said that 2020 was the year of perfect vision.  The year when all our dreams could come true.  And then boom…. in an instant our world was turned upside down.  

But one thing I have learned through all of my struggles with depressions, anxiety and bipolar is that Christ is truly where it all has to start.   We are all capable of change.  After all, even though it’s been rough, we are making it through this change, somehow. Even though the path may not be clear at this moment.

Miracles can happen when we are willing to put our trust in Christ.  Let Him breathe life into our weary souls. Because He sees the big picture.  He sees what we can not.  And like a baby being born and taking that first breath of air, we must look to the Lord to learn how to breathe when breathing seems impossible or almost like we are suffocating.

About partway through this quarantine, I realized that I needed to increase my yoga (meditation process) to stay grounded.  Otherwise I think I would lose my mind and end up moving backward instead of forward with my illness.  Normally, I do it once a week. It’s a good way to stretch and let go. Release the worries of the previous week and look ahead to the new week.  But now I have been practicing it daily and it has made such a difference in my life and my days.  I am a beginner and have a long way to go. I’m learning to understand how yoga/meditation work. 

Important note: I am not saying that you should pick up yoga. But finding time to quiet my mind helps me to take things that are bothering me or frustrating me, and just let them melt away for a little while.  It has helped me gain a new perspective on me as a person.  I have found that I  am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for.  

So what I am proposing as you move forward as the quarantine is lifted, and slowly move back into a daily routine, work, school, sports, etc., remember the ways that you have changed through this experience.  Remember the experiences that have shaped you into a “new” person.  Because certainly none of  us can come out of this experience saying that we have not been changed in some way.

Find time as often as possible to sit for 5 minutes a day and just breathe.  Let Christ be the breath of life for you.  Just breathe in and out, deep breaths and let the worries of the world melt away.  Clear your mind and take just 5-10 minutes to remember this experience and how strong you have become as a person.

You are resilient, you are strong, you are in charge of your own mind and your own life.  Of course, there have been many negative things that have happened  because of this experience.  We may tend to look at it as one big negative.  But I strongly encourage you to take the time to recognize the good that can come out it.  

One thing that we can always be certain of, is that there will always be change.  

President Russell M. Nelson taught:  “We can change our behavior.  Our very desires can change.  … but true change–permanent–change can come only through the healing, cleansing, and enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”   Let Christ Change you.  Let him help you breathe.  Let Him help you move forward and embrace what is going to be a new normal for all of us.  Christ is the breath of life.  

In Ezekiel 36 verse 26-27 we read: A new heart also will I give you, and  a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stoney heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh.  

27 And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.

My hope is that as you move into this next phase of your life that your heart will stay soft and if  it has been hardened through this trial, allow Christ to breathe new life into you.   Allow him to heal your weary soul.  You are His.  He loves you and wants the best for you.  Breathe in and breathe out and let Christ be the sail on your boat slowly pushing you forward. 

Where do we go from here?  In my mind the only answer is fearlessly forward!

XO Wendy