The past couple of months have been super challenging. I know that I am not the only one that feels this way. It’s ironic because back in February before all the craziness started, I felt better physically, mentally and emotionally than I had in a very long time. Stronger. More equipped to fight off the adversary. More confident, after struggling for so long to regain what I felt being diagnosed Bipolar, had taken away from me. Courage to face the challenges that would come my way. Little did I know what myself and others would be facing over the next several months.
Life has a way of throwing curve balls at you, doesn’t it? I don’t know if there is anything that could have prepared us for what we have all been through over the past several months. And on top of the many circumstances that each of has faced together, many have had to face the normal day to day challenges and inevitable trials that unexpectedly come our way in our so-called “normal” pre-Covid life.
So as I have been struggling, I have been searching for ways to pull myself out of the funk that I have been in. And wouldn’t you know it, God always comes through with something that I need. It didn’t just happen. I have been praying for days to feel better and re-gain that strength and faith and courage that I had just a few short months ago. As I have mentioned many, many times, we can’t just wait for it, we have to look for it and ask for it.
Today, I just wanted to share a little bit of what I have been thinking and pondering over and what I feel like God has been guiding me towards this past month.
You may have noticed that after my last post, I’ve been pretty scarce with social media. I feel like I have had to shield my spirit away from so much of the negativity that has been going on, just as I would to my children. Maybe I am different than most mothers, but looking back I don’t think that I would have allowed my children to see a lot of what is blasted over social media.
I was pretty careful about what I allowed my kids to see and be a part of when they were little. Though the internet wasn’t as prevalent as it is today, the T. V. was a big influence. So I instituted what we called “No T.V. week” once a month. We used that time to read books, spend time together as a family, to go outside and enjoy nature and to find other sources of entertainment.
We also had many shows that were off limits, that the kids were not allowed to view. I just didn’t appreciate the influence and ideas of disrespect, negativity, and irresponsibility, etc. that some of those shows portrayed. And I think it has only gotten worse as the years have gone on (especially with all the venues that are available today for viewing).
The point that I am getting to is that maybe…. maybe we need to treat ourselves and our spirits exactly how we would our children. We are given stewardship over our children. They are not ours. They are His, just as we are His.
And just as tenderly as we treat and love our children, is how we should treat and love ourselves. We need to give ourselves the grace that God gives us and that we give our children. Even if that means taking the internet away from ourselves for a week ;).
How awful would it be if the first time our child tried to walk, we chastised them when they fell and discouraged from trying again? But we don’t do that.. we encourage them over and over and over again until they can do it on their own. And then we continue to do that with everything that they come across throughout their lives, even as they grow older and have their own children. We never stop loving and encouraging and allowing them to grow and become better than they were before.
We only have this one body…. it is a gift from the Father. Ours to take care of, to have “stewardship” over. And even though our bodies come to us with many different challenges, our spirits that are housed by those bodies are precious and so loved by the Father.
I remember many times, rushing to my child’s side as they fell down. Tenderly lifting them onto a counter, kissing “ouchies” better and gently placing bandaids on the scrapes and bruises. Giving them a hug and holding them as long as they needed until they felt strong enough to get back to what they were doing when they fell. And most often, with that boost of love and care, they were able to try again pretty quickly without even a negative thought.
Maybe I’m not so alone in the fact that I don’t treat myself the way I would my child, my family members, or my friends. I don’t give myself grace when I make mistakes. I have a hard time picking myself up when I fall. Instead of wiping away the tears as I would my child when they fall and scrape their knees, and encouraging them to get back up. I tend to chastise and beat myself up for falling in the first place. That is not what the Lord would want for us. There is only one place that negativity, self doubt, fear, and discouragement come from and that is from the adversary!
So as I move forward (and I hope you’ll join me) through this unchartered territory that we are all exposed to at this time, I am going to do my best to remember that this body is given to me to house my beautiful, tender, and loving spirit. I am going to show up for myself just as I do for my children and friends and family. I am going to wrap myself in a big giant hug and tell myself that everything is going to be ok. Because it will be.
I am going to let God cradle me in His grace when I fall. I’m going to get back up and try again when I make mistakes or fail. Because one thing is for sure, we can not move forward when we are always looking back. We can not look ahead when we are always looking back. We can not become better when we are always telling ourselves how bad we are.
Falling is not the problem. Making the choice to get back up when we fall is where the real victory begins!