balance – Pointing Toward Hope

Hearing and Hindering Part 2

I divided this blog into 2 parts. So if you haven’t listened or read part 1, go back and do that. It will give you some context. This is Episode 49 Hearing and Hindering part 2.

Today is a subject that I approach with a little trepidation. And the reason for that is that I really don’t want to dwell on something negative. Or give any credit to the adversary. However, I do believe it is incredibly crucial for us to understand how the adversary works, so that we can avoid those fiery darts (or be shielded from) as I talked about last week. And one of the things that I have learned throughout my life is that Satan is especially cunning at getting us to fall for his evil ways.

He’s been successful once or twice in getting me to walk away from the Gospel and the church that I dearly love. I have grown up learning daily how to walk in the ways of Christ. So you would think that would be enough to ward off all of Satan’s ploys. But unfortunately that is not enough. In fact I think he works even harder when we are trying to be obedient and live righteously.

I mean think about it. We have been on this Earth for less than 80 years (most of us less) but the adversary has been around since the beginning of time. So he has had a lot of practice honing his evil skills. Which makes it that much more important for us to be ever vigilant in keeping ourselves prepared and aware of the way that he works on each of us individually.

Last week we talked about specific habits, or patterns that we use to effectively learn how the Lord speaks to us and prompts us. And this week we are going to talk a little bit about the contrast of that. Which is how the adversary lulls and tempts with certain ways or approaches that are tailored, unfortunately, to us as individuals. And works to get us to stop those good habits that we’ve worked so hard to create. So it’s so important that you learn how this happens for you, so you can put those habits back in place. It’s time to fight back.

I will be referring alot to Peter M. Johnson’s talk from October 2019, Power to Overcome Adversity, (one of my Absolute favorites talks of all time).

One thing that I have learned to be wary of, is how slowly Satan works. It happens SO slowly! Think of the 1% marginal gains that we talked about last week. The fiery darts that he throws can be almost imperceptible if you aren’t paying attention. One small act at a time. One small thought at a time. One small step at a time. And before you know it, you’re doing or saying things that you never ever thought you would. Going places that you never imagined. And worse than that is that you have accepted it and even believe that it’s the right way to do things or say things. Or right where you need to be.

Ugggg I hate to even think about how awful he is. I heard Marie Osmond say once that she won’t even give him a name. She call’s him “scratch”. Because sometimes he acts like an itch that just won’t leave you alone.

But the great thing is this! We were being prepared long before this lifetime with all of the tools that we need to fight the battles that will come our way. We are taught by President Nelson that we are “choice spirits who were reserved to come forth in the fulness of times to take part in laying the foundations of the great latter-day work.”

In Doctrine and Covenants 138:56 We read: Even before they were born, they, with many others, received their first lessons in the world of spirits and were prepared to come forth in the due time of the Lord to labor in his vineyard for the salvation of the souls of men.

Which means that we are all pretty skilled already. But those skills do take some honing.

And one of the ways that we do that is to put on the WHOLE Armor of God on! As explained in Ephesians 6:10-18 And we’ll talk about this in a little bit.

In The Book Of Mormon (another testament of Jesus Christ) Mormon Chapter 8 gives us insight into today’s world, Moroni says he has seen our day, and it includes wars and rumors of wars, great pollutions, murders, robbing, and people who tell us that there is no right or wrong in God’s eyes. He describes people who are filled with pride, caught up in the wearing of expensive clothing, and who make fun of religion. He is shown people who are so obsessed with worldly things that they allow “the needy, and the naked, and the sick and the afflicted to pass by”³ without being noticed. Sounds a lot like today’s times doesn’t it?

But we should not despair, it is the Lord’s way that will lead us to life eternal!

The prophet David O. Mckay taught: Christ is the light to humanity. In that light man sees his way clearly; when it is rejected, the soul of man stumbles in darkness. No person, no group, no nation can achieve true success without following him who said:

“I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.” (John 8:12.)

Are any of us exempt from the power of the adversary? Nope, however, through it all, our Savior is with us. He is the advocate to the Father! So even if we fall prey to some of the adversaries’ lies, and make mistakes that we feel keep us from the light, there is always a way back. I am living proof of that!

So in what ways can we learn how Satan works on us as indivduals. Well, Elder Johnson had something to say about that. He said, “You are elect sons and daughters of God. You have the power to overcome the adversary. The adversary, however, is aware of who you are. He knows of your divine heritage and seeks to limit your earthly and heavenly potential by using three Ds:

Deception
Distraction
Discouragement”

Now it’s important to note that there are more ways than what Elder Johnson refers to that the adversary uses, like doubt, rejection, stress, etc. But I loved how he used these 3 because I think they are probably common among most people.

Deception, This is a very sneaky way that is used. For example, how many times have you heard commercials or seen ads promising instant weight loss? Or here’s how you can have the body you always wanted in as little as 1 week? I don’t think these people do these things intentionally to hurt us. But I do believe that it is a tool of deception to get us to forget who we are and where we came from. And to focus on our physical bodies rather than our spiritual potential.

]We are sons and daughters of the most high God. And there is no magic pill, or workout that can ever change that. But sometimes we sure feel like we need to be more than we are don’t we? Elder Johnson says, “The adversary attempts to deceive by having us forget who we truly are. If we do not understand who we are, then it is difficult to recognize who we can become.”

Distraction Wow! This is a big one right?! We have everything we could possibly think of to keep our minds busy and too distracted to realize what’s really happening. Remember how slowly I said that the adversary works? Just think about this for a minute. According to statisa.com As of 2019 and 2020, the average daily social media usage of internet users worldwide amounted to 145 minutes per day! That’s more than 2 hours, which doesn’t seem too terrible right? I mean our parents probably spent equal amounts of time watching the T.V. before the invention of the smartphone.

But think about it this way. 145 minutes per day is 14 hours per week. 728 hours per year! That’s roughly 30 days out of a 365 day year that we waste staring at our screens looking to be entertained or engaged in some way. Wait what? Nearly one whole month a year? Holy moley! That’s alot.

Now I’m not saying that there are not great things on social media that can be teaching you and helping you to learn and grow. I mean I would consider podcasting/blogging a form of social media so there is that! Haha.

I did my own little experiment of social media a few weeks ago when I went on a trip to visit family. I was there for 10 days and so I thought, “you know”, I am just going to delete all my social media apps so I can be fully present for my family while I’m there. I don’t want any distractions making me waste my time with them. And you know what’s crazy? I hardly missed it at all!

I was having such a good time enjoying my “extra” time with them that I even decided to extend it another week after I returned home so I could be prepared for General Conference. And guess what? That was really hard. I had a little more free time. And I think Satan works extra hard on all members of the church before General Conference. The last thing he wants is for us to receive personal revelation from the Lord through our prophets, seers, and revelators. He’s a sly one!

There are a whole lot more distractions than social media. But I just wanted to give you a peek at one of the ways the adversary uses pretty effectively.

The third D from elder Johnson’s talk is “discouragement. We may get discouraged when we compare ourselves to others or feel we are not living up to expectations, including our own.

I was watching a show the other night with my bonus son. And I couldn’t believe it when I heard a statement that hit me hard. Discouragement is one of the big ways that the adversary uses to get to ME personally.

Last week I talked about how I put on a brave face or sometimes I refer to it as a mask or “the happy face”. I do that so people will think that I’m fine and not be uncomfortable around me. So when I heard this it really sunk in. It said, “A mask doesn’t heal the wounds. A mask only hides them.”

It got me thinking about all the reason’s that other people put on a “mask” Whether it be illness, identity, abuse, etc. Sometimes I even think that as a mom with small children we can put on that brave face even though we are so stressed and so spread thin that we can barely think straight.

But one thing that I’m sure of, is that Satan tries to get us to keep that mask on. He feeds us with even more reasons that we should be discouraged such as, comparing ourselves to other moms or others who have gone through similar things and come out sparkling. He tells us that people won’t believe us, or will laugh at us, or that we will feel even smaller than we already feel. He may make us feel like we aren’t living up to other’s expectations of us, or maybe even our own expectations!

^{I am inviting you today to join me and take off your mask. Let yourself be vulnerable. It is the only way that we will be able to heal the wounds of the darts that have already found their mark. Most of the thoughts that we have that discourage us are truly just that! Thoughts! So if we can take off that mask we may find out that there are a lot of people who are waiting to support and help us walk our journey.}

Elder Johnson goes on to say “please do not let anyone steal your happiness. Do not compare yourself to others. Please remember the loving words of the Savior: John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

^{So how do we do it? How do we find this peace, remember who we are, take off our masks, and overcome the traps of the adversary?}

^{Ironically, alot of the same patterns and habits that we learn to apply to hear the Lord speak to us are the same as those that help us to ward off and stay safe from the adversary’s attacks.} ^{So another reason to be very vigilant in making and keeping those good habits. And remember that it is the 1% gains (being consistent with them) each day.}

^{What I wanted to mention today and discuss a little is what I talked about earlier today.}

Putting on the whole armor of God. This is something that you have to do ALL THE TIME. ALL DAY, EVERY DAY! You must do all the little things EVERY DAY! Sometimes more than just once a day. You MUST strive to keep yourself unspotted from the world. You must strive to live IN the world but not be OF the world. Notice I added the word “ strive”, because it’s important to remember that it’s an ongoing process. We don’t just adopt and keep habits overnight.

The adversary’s goal is to keep us focused on the distractions, the deception, the discouragement. He wants us to have doubts, be stressed out, feel rejected and left out…all the terrible things.

Those are all the fiery darts that he is throwing at us day in and day out. And President Nelson has said, and it has been repeated over and over, “… in coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost.”

So what is the armor of God. Well, let’s just break it down. I remember talking about this when I was in high school seminary. My teacher had an outline of a warrior all dressed up in every piece of the armor and we were to go through and label each piece with what it was guarding. And then we taped it to the inside of our scriptures in Ephesians 6:10-18 with a reference to Doctrine and Covenants 27:15-18.

¹⁰^{Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.}

¹¹^{Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.}

¹²^{For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high}^places.

¹³^{Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.}

¹⁴^{Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;}

¹⁵^{And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;}

¹⁶^{Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.}

¹⁷^{And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:}

¹⁸^{Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;}

^{I remember watching a movie in seminary about warriors that were watching the woods. They had all the armor on and were super cautious. But at one point, one of the warriors got to a waterbed and took off his helmet to get a drink of water. The enemy was waiting for just such a moment and the arrow pierced him quickly. Luckily we are not facing those kinds of threats in our day and time. But the enemy is just as watchful and waiting for the moment that we let our guard down, to pounce.}

However, I am comforted to know that I need not fear for He is with me, I know where and how to find the peace that only He can give.

Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Doctrine and Covenants 88:63

I am confident that as I purposefully follow the commandments that I will not be led astray again. As I keep and maintain that 1% gains each day I am fortifying my armor.

Elder David A. Bednar of the quorum of the twelve Apostles has been known to say, “If you read the Book of Mormon (and I might just add all scripture) every day, you will never fall away”.

^{Now, after talking about all of this, I’d like to just tie this all up in a tight little bow and tell you that if you just keep your habits strong that you will be fully protected. But you know it’s never that easy. And it’s funny how in each of these podcasts that I prepare, it seems like I have to go through my own little test, so to speak, of what I’m trying to share.}

^{So of course last week I had a few days where the adversary got in and tried to use his biggest tool, that he uses with me personally. Which is discouragement. I started thinking, “Is this even worth it?” Does anyone even hear or get anything out of what I’m preparing?’ And for a while I just wanted to quit everything. Well not everything, but you know how when it rains it pours and you tend to just sit down in the middle of the puddle and get soaked?}

^{But it wasn’t long before I remembered, this is Satan’s tool that he is using against me. So I looked at some of my habits. And quickly realized that I’d let a few things slide and that’s when he makes his move.}

^{So this is where I want you to look at your life and see if you can find those patterns that seem to take you away from the good and solid habits that you’re working on daily. Is it deception, discouragement, distraction, rejection, busyness, stress, etc. See if there isn’t a way that you can start to fire back at the adversary using the contrast of those emotions. It’s not easy! The first part is recognizing that it’s even happening.}

^{So my invitation to you today is to just start to notice. Just notice when things seem not quite how you’d like them to be. And then go back and look at what you can change by just 1% to ward off those fiery darts. I know you can do it. You’re strong, you’re capable and you’ve got the Lord on your side! With Him nothing is impossible. That’s it for today my friends. Remember, choose hope, choose joy and choose to stay! Talk to you all again soon!}

Oh and if you or someone you know has a trial that you have been able to get through or are working through with the help of our Savior, please contact me so we can get you on the podcast.

Hearing and Hindering Part 1

Recently I have been reading a book called Atomic Habits by James Clear. It has been so good to learn more about the importance of creating good and solid habits. And I highly recommend picking it up if you are struggling with implementing good habits.

The funny thing is that whenever you are focused on something like that, you tend to notice it or be attracted to it everywhere. So I have had videos pop up on you tube or seen other information that seems to support what I am studying. It even came up in a talk from last weekend’s conference (see One percent better by Elder Michael A. Dunn) So I am concluding that this is something that I need to re-evaluate in my own life.

As I pondered upon some of my “habit stacking”, and the need to apply “the aggregation of marginal gains”. Which simply involves changing something by just 1%, thus changing the previous course that you were on. Which then ends up making a huge difference when put into action in a regular “habit based” routine. As discussed in Clear’s book as well as Elder Dunn’s talk.

It got me thinking about the habits or techniques required to know and feel the Holy Spirit and how it works for you specifically in your own life. Equally important is to know how Satan attempts to thwart your progression (usually by invoking the “aggregation of marginal gains” believe it or not. I talked about that in a previous post).

You see as we have been repeatedly taught there must be opposition in all things. So as soon as we begin improving our ability to listen to and heed the promptings of the spirit. Satan will begin to insert his way into that process to keep us from progressing.

So those two things are what I want to discuss today and next week. And I hope that you will be inspired to re-evaluate your life and your habits to see if you can improve your ability to listen to the guidance of the Savior, Jesus Christ through the conduit of the Holy Spirit. While at the same time improving your ability to ward off the fiery darts of the adversary.

So let’s just go back for a minute to “habit stacking” and the aggregation of marginal gains, as talked about in Atomic Habits. So here is a brief rundown of what habit stacking is. A simplistic way to explain it is, that you often decide what to do next, based on what you have just finished doing.

Think about your morning routine. For example, this is a sample of the first things that I do and probably many of you do too upon waking. First, the alarm goes off, and then after a few snoozes, lol, (no one is perfect right?) I roll out of bed, pull on my socks (I hate cold feet!), which reminds me that I need to quickly make my bed, which then leads me to the restroom, which reminds me to wash my hands, which signals me to brush my teeth and run a comb through my hair. See how that works? One thing leads to another because of the signal that is sent from the prior action.

Most of us practice these small habits on instinct because you have been doing them for so long that they become second nature. So how can we apply this to the gospel and how we listen to and understand how the Lord speaks to us?

Well for starters, we can take a look at our current habits and evaluate how they might be helping or hindering us from hearing and heeding the promptings of the Lord.

One thing that I want to quickly mention is that we are in the last 90 days of this year. So like me, many of you may have begun new habits or set new goals at the beginning of 2021. By now those habits or goals may be falling a bit. Trust me when I say it happens to pretty much everyone.

But what I am getting at is that instead of giving up and just cruising or coasting to the end of 2021, and starting over again next year. I would like to suggest that you put on your running shoes and sprint to the end of the year. Although we have lots of holidays and distractions, that is no reason to give up on the goals or habits that you have been working on since the beginning of the year. We still have almost 3 full months.

In fact, if you are to continue, or start back up where you left off. You will be applying the “aggregation of marginal gains”. Remember? improving by just 1% on a regular basis, which can significantly improve your endgame. In this case, where you would like to be by the end of 2021. So just a little plug there for you to look at what you may have already been working to improve.

Now back to where we were. Looking at our current habits and evaluating how they might be helping or hindering us from hearing and heeding the promptings of the Lord.

So let’s start with habits that are helping us hear and heed. It’s important to note that this will be different for each of us because we all “hear” the Lord in different ways. For some it may come through thoughts or impressions. For others it may come through music. Some people have very vivid dreams. What matters is that you figure out your way and then work to get it to come to the surface more often. And we can do that through implementing specific small habits.

So just to share an example of how I have learned that the Lord speaks to me, I am going to tell you about a journey that I have been on for most of this year. Well at least since the end of March. And I’ve talked about it briefly in previous posts.

Most of you know, if you’ve followed me for any length of time, that I have Bipolar disorder. Which is a mental illness and mood disorder. So I can have extreme highs and extreme lows in my mental health. However, this can be controlled through various means. I happen to apply a variety of means or habits, to each and every day to try and stay on top of it, because it can spiral down (or up) very quickly if I’m not vigilant in this. And I’ve talked alot about the things that I do to prevent that.

But in this example I just want to share what’s been happening this year and how I’ve learned to lean on and heed the promptings of the Lord when it comes to surviving basically a mental health crisis.

One of the ways that I choose to control Bipolar is to use medication, which usually works quite well (once you find a good recipe). So why on Earth, you may ask, would I switch medications when what I had been using seemed to be working pretty well? That’s a good question and one that I reflect on almost daily. However, I did it at the advice of my psychiatrist whom I have grown to trust with my mental health. The reason we did this, and we’d been discussing it over several visits, is because I hadn’t been sleeping well for many months. And that as I’ve talked about before is a strong catalyst for catapulting me into a manic episode. And that thought just scares me to death. I have a lot of truama from my past manic episodes. So the thought of being able to eliminate that worry was very appealing. So in the Spring we decided it was a good time to try.

As you may have guessed, within a few weeks we learned that it was not working as expected, in fact, funnily enough, it had the opposite effect of what we were going for. I actually slept like a baby, which was so great! However over time, in the waking hours, I became like the energizer bunny. Which is a good and bad thing. I mean I was feeling great! But in my case, GREAT is not always a positive thing.

Long story short, it has been a rough year to say the least! I was able to get back on what I was previously doing well on. But sleeping became a problem again. Although it is slowly getting better. It’s a process, that’s what I keep telling myself.

But what I want to share is what I’ve learned through this process when it comes to hearing and heeding promptings. And it has alot to do with habits and the process of changing by just 1% each day.

Several times over the past months I have been able to learn more fully how the Lord speaks to me. But it has not come without work and tears, prayers and reflection.

And now is where habit stacking comes into play. At the beginning of the year, I decided to add scripture study to my daily morning routine. I have been reading the scriptures regularly for the past few years. But this year I was impressed to make it more of a “study”. So my habit stacking looks like this.

After I do what I already mentioned in the morning, I go straight to my supplements and take my medication (taking in my first water bottle of the day), to me that is one of the most important decisions of my day and that’s why it comes first! That then signals me to feed the cat because that is the most important thing for his day! Plus he whines and whines if I forget, haha.

My journaling pens are right by the cat food so I am reminded that it is time to journal. But once I set my books at the table, that is a signal to pray so I take a few minutes for that.

Another thing that I started doing this year that’s a bit of a harder habit for me to remember, is after my prayer I put on my earpods and listen to some gospel music while I journal. (Earpods are charging by the pens for journaling so that should be my signal, but sometimes I miss it). This will be important to note later on.

I then begin the journaling process which usually takes about 15 minutes. I journal in the morning because I can report how I slept, record happenings from the day before and also impressions seem to come better to me in the quiet stillness of the morning.

When I finish with that, I open up my scriptures and start where I left off. But instead of just reading, my goal was to study. So I am very conscientious about noticing words, phrases, or footnotes that stand out to me. It takes about an hour from start to finish after getting out of bed to complete my habit stacked routine.

But then I am on to my day and the habit stacking starts again. Workout, shower, work, lunch!

You get the idea. One thing leads to another and once you do them long enough they begin to become habits and can have a significant change on the trajectory of your life.

I shared all of that because it is through these habits that I have developed the ability to hear and understand the promptings and impressions from the Lord. It hasn’t come all at once and it continues to develop. But every day I am progressing toward a greater understanding of how the Lord speaks to me. Which has been very very important this year in helping to guide me through the rough waters that I have been experiencing with my mental health.

It truly has been such a journey. And I am one to say that there are no coincidences. Do I regret swiching medications? Some days the answer is absolutely! But most days I am grateful for what I have learned about myself spiritually, mentally and physically over this past year. I believe that one of the reasons that we were so intent on changing my medication was because I had prepared myself for the learning and growing process, through the habits that I had already become good at. There was a growing, stretching, learning that needed to take place in my life.

It all dawned on me, a few days ago, that the Lord has a very specific process or pattern that he uses when communicating directly to me. And ironically, it involves my habits in my morning routine.

Why are morning routines so important? We are taught through Elder Dunn’s talk, in a quote from Neal a Maxwell. “Each assertion of a righteous desire, each act of service, and each act of worship, however small and incremental, adds to our spiritual momentum.” Truly, it is by small, simple, and, yes, even just 1% that great things can be brought to pass.

We learn from Alma 37:6 …but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass;…

And 2 Nephi 28:30 For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom;

That sounds like a lesson in habit stacking and 1% gains to me!

So I’m getting a bit side tracked but let me just get to the point about the experience that I shared above of how it dawned on me how all of this came together.

Last week I had been having an especially difficult couple of days (down days). Those are the hard ones for me. I tend to rather enjoy the up days… but they are harder on the people who care about me, which is a good thing. On those few hard days, there was a point when I was crying out to the Lord to just make all the bad feelings stop… to help me to feel better, happy, content with who I am.

During those times, I tend to beg for my illness to be taken away. I tell Him how tired I am of carrying it. I am sure I am not the only one that feels this way at times. We all have heavy burdens that we carry.

But it was during my pleading that it happened. I was taught the pattern, or rather reminded, of the way the Lord speaks to me in a way that I can “hear”.

As I was pleading, I got the distinct feeling that I needed to find a certain song. )Most often music tends to calm me down and allow impressions to come.) But when I opened my phone to begin searching in my music app I noticed that the song that was next to play (of something I’d been listening to earlier) was flashing. Well that’s weird, I was thinking, it’s never done that before. But I continued looking for the song that I had in my mind, but for some reason that flashing made me think, hmmm, maybe I’m supposed to listen to that song. So I clicked on it.

It is a song called “Fragile” from Hilary Weeks Live All In . I hadn’t listened to the whole album yet and that’s the song I had left off on. I basically just sat there in awe of how incredibly omnipotent our Father in Heaven is. The words to that song just matched perfectly how I was feeling and somehow I just knew that the Lord knew exactly what I needed to hear. I needed Him to speak to me and let me know that He knew me, and He was very aware of what I was going through at that very moment.

If you are suffering, trying to put on a brave face every day for any reason, I suggest you go and listen to that song. It really was a calming balm to my soul.

But the really crazy thing is that I was so stunned and so sure that he was speaking to me that I kept listening, hoping the next song would have a message for me. Sure enough it did. The last 3 songs on her album are called Fragile, Someday down the road, and More Mistakes to make. I’ll link them in the show notes.

The reason those are significant is that in my pleading I felt like I had just made so many mistakes over the past several weeks and I felt worthless and like a failure. Which is pretty typical of someone who suffers with depression. When those 3 songs played in that order and it was just exactly what I needed to hear, I was thinking how? How does He know exactly what I need to hear? Of course the communication continued. And as I heard the words of each song I began to feel a little better, and the fog began to lift.

Next, I had the distinct impression that I needed to go study my scriptures. I felt an urgency that there was more for me to know at that moment.

In my mind I asked which book? Where should I search? And I heard the whisper, “the big book”! I knew immediately that it was my triple combination which holds all the books of scripture. Just a side note, I like to study from smaller versions so that I can mark up the wide margins. So I don’t typically go to “the big book”.

When this happens I almost always just randomly open my scriptures trusting that He knows where to lead me. Well, on the first try I got nothing, so I flipped a few pages and opened up to John chapter 10:1-15. The discourse on the good shepherd. Coincidence? I think not.

This is the one where Jesus is talking about how he knows His sheep and they know him.

But one passage caught me. And that is verse 7 And then said Jesus unto them again, Verily, verily, I say until you I am the door of the sheep.

The door? What on Earth does that mean?

It had a footnote so I looked it up. John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way the truth and the life…

It really felt like He was telling me, “look, I’ve got you! I know that you feel lost and broken in this moment, but I know how you feel and I’ve layed down my life for you! Don’t worry, you’re going to make more mistakes and more mistakes and it’s ok, because you are mine. Look to me… I am the way, the door.

So cool right?!

So what does this have to do with habit stacking and the 1%? Well, here’s my little interpretation or lesson that I learned. Take it for what you will but I do believe that the Lord was telling me, “here is how YOU receive my word.”

Pray
Music
Scripture
Write down your impressions

I think that my habit stacking or my morning routine of Praying, listening to music, reading my scriptures and journaling my thoughts and impressions is the exact pattern that He uses to speak to me personally.

Now I don’t know why Hilary Weeks wrote those exact words in those songs and then put them in that specific order on her album. I’m sure there are millions of people that her songs have touched. But I do know that for me, it was just what I needed in the exact order that I needed it, from the exact source that I needed to hear it from. Jesus!

As I have looked back after having this particular experience, there have been so many times when I have received answers to specific deep questions or trials have been eased.

Do they always come that way? No, sometimes it is just an impression or just through the words of a song. But I did find that through my 1% change of developing a habit stacking routine has significantly improved my ability to #HearHim.

He is the way, the truth and the life my friends! And I encourage you to take a look at your own morning routine. Or an evening routine if that works better for you. It’s going to look a lot different than mine. Look at what you can do to change by 1%. And then work to be consistent with it. Pray to the Lord and ask Him how He speaks to you. He will find a way to show you.

As I said earlier, this routine has been in the making for several years. It didn’t just happen overnight. It happened in the right place, and at the right time for me to learn what I needed to learn. Line upon line, precept upon precept. 1% will indeed change your life!

Be sure and tune in next week my friends. I will be talking about how Satan, unfortunately, uses the 1% as well.

Choose hope, choose joy and choose to stay! Have a great week my friends! Talk to you all again soon!

XO Wendy

Work Hard

Hi friends, and welcome to pointing toward hope. I am your host, Wendy Bertagnolli. This podcast is filled with positivity for anyone seeking to find more hope and joy in daily life. The goal is to reach as many people as we can to help them to overcome and find joy even in the midst of extremely hard adversity. Thanks for listening. Be sure to follow and leave a review so that we can help as many people as possible. If you or someone you know has a trial that you have been able to get through or are working through with the help of our Savior, please contact me so we can get you on the podcast. This is episode 44 and Chapter 7 of my book Keep up the pace.

Chapter 7 Work Hard

“The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.

(Tiffany wiley, Mckayla Carter, Mallory Hamblin)

Being involved in the pageant industry for six years brought many new experiences into my life. Some were difficult to handle and others were simply beautiful to be of a part of. But if there is one thing that I have learned, whether it be winning a pageant, getting a job, losing weight, or raising children, if you put in the work you will definitely reap the benefits! I saw work in action happen time again in the pageant industry.

As my daughter set out to compete for the title of Miss Teen Utah International, she was not afraid to work hard. As soon as she came up with her goals of what she wanted to achieve and how she wanted to make difference she started working hard by getting more involved in her community.

She wrote a children’s book about her platform, “Kindness Counts”, that she could take into elementary schools to help the children learn how to be more kind. She worked on her walk, her speaking skills, and her physical appearance and when it came time to compete she was able to win the title even though she was the youngest girl competing.

As her mother, I seen her go from a shy, quiet, very reserved little girl, to a confident young woman not afraid to express her ideas and share herself with others.

My first year Directing the teen pageant, I had a contestant enter the competition that wanted to learn how to overcome her shyness, and fear of public speaking. Having never competed in a pageant before, she really didn’t know what to expect or how to prepare. Though we had workshops and appearances to help all of the contestants prepare, she really didn’t put a lot of effort into the competition. When the big night came and she walked out on stage, she was scared to death. She even had to run off the stage at one point because she felt as if she might pass out. She had a fair experience that year, but had she worked a little harder and put a little more effort into it she may have had an even more positive experience.

The following year, I was shocked when she decided to compete again. I figured that as painful as it had been for her to be in front of people on stage, that she would probably never try it again. However, she had seen the growth in herself and knew that if she put more effort into it she could conquer her fear of being on stage and speaking in front of people. I don’t think I have ever witnessed anyone work as hard as she did that year. She literally blossomed into a more confident young lady. With the help of her mother, she was able to set up seminars and gain some experience in public speaking. She went to every appearance and workshop that we held and even scheduled extra time so that she felt strong and ready to compete.

She worked on every area of the competition because she understood the importance of being well-rounded, and she practiced hard. She was committed to finding the perfect wardrobe. One that complimented her physically, and radiated her personal style. When it came time for the competition she felt more confident and ready for the event than she had for anything else in her life.

The competition started out with personal interview. She had practiced and prepared and she was ready. She looked amazing in the suit that she had chosen to compliment her personality. When the interview ended, she felt positive that she had done well. She even commented that she had fun! What a difference she had made in herself and her attitude by committing to put her full effort into this.

I wish that I could say that she went on to win the competition, however after the interview ended, tragedy struck. She was contacted and told that her grandfather had suffered a heart attack and it didn’t look good. How could she continue the competition? It all seemed so trivial now. She decided that even after all her hard work and effort that she needed to withdraw from the competition. I fully supported her in that decision. That decision, in and of itself, proved to me how much she had grown throughout the past year.

A few hours later as rehearsals were being held, this strong, beautiful young lady returned to the competition. Her grandfather had passed away and after much deliberation, tears, and heartache, she and her family felt that it was the right thing to do. The competition took place and she was able to complete every area with ease and confidence. She was able to show commitment, dedication, and drive in a time when it seemed her world had come crashing down. It would have been so easy for her to give up. But because of what she had learned through her hard work she was able to overcome an obstacle in her life that was very difficult.

I found out a few weeks later that she had actually volunteered to speak at her High School graduation! I was so glad to hear that she was continuing to set goals for herself and that she had not let hardship defeat her.

An important concept I have learned through being involved with pageants, is that it is imperative that we continue to set and achieve goals. When I competed in the State, as well as, the National competition I seen contestants who would invest all of their time and effort in to the competition with the expectation of winning. When it was all over and the title was awarded to someone else, they would have such a hard time accepting it and moving on with their lives. I believe that it was because they hadn’t looked beyond the mark.

What happens when you put everything you have into achieving a goal and through your hard work you are finally able to achieve it, or possibly fall short? Is that the end? It absolutely is not. We have to remain in a constant state of setting and achieving goals in order to progress in life. If we give up after one failure we never truly learn what it is to work hard and be successful.

One of my favorite quotes is by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “That which we persist in doing becomes easier. Not that the nature of the thing has changed, but that our power to do has increased.”

I have always been one to believe that everything happens for a reason or put another way, there are no coincidences. We may never know what the lesson is that we are supposed to learn from a given situation. Especially, when that situation is emotionally and physically difficult to endure.

Life is full of lessons to be learned. Never ever give up! Keep pressing forward, working hard, and setting new goals and you will become stronger and more capable of maintaining a positive attitude in all areas of your life, regardless of the circumstances.

Your assignment: Read over your list of goals again from chapter 1 and make sure that you are putting in the work to have to the outcome you desire. If not, make some short-term goals that will help you get back on track and get your head back in the game!

XO Wendy

Surround yourself with positivity

Chapter 6

” Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits.”

One of my all time favorite movies is Forest Gump. If you have seen the movie, you will recall the statement that his mother taught him to help him overcome the teasing and bullying that he endured throughout his childhood. “Stupid is as stupid does.” She taught him very plainly that people will become what they repeatedly do.

For a period of time, I had a quote hanging on my refrigerator that I wanted to instill in myself as well as my children, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.” by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

I’d like to put those two concepts together and give you a mantra that is super easy to remember and will change your life if you choose to believe it. “Positive is as positive does.”

When I decided to compete in the Mrs. Utah International pageant, I needed positive thinking more than ever. I had been a stay-at-home mom for almost 12 years. After spending my days changing diapers, reading children’s books, and watching Sesame Street and Barney with my little ones, I was badly in need of something to get me out of my comfort zone. My youngest child had recently started school, so I found myself with a few extra hours to myself.

When I first heard about the competition I was still learning how to live with and manage depression. I knew that if I didn’t find something constructive to do during those hours, I could easily fall into some old negative habits, such as sleeping in instead of working out, eating when I became bored, and the worst habit of all, negative self-talk. So the pageant became a vehicle to motivate me to stay on top of my depression, while at the same time, work on some skills that needed to be dusted off a little. If you spend your days talking to toddlers and building bird nests out of play dough, you will understand what I am talking about. Not exactly the best interview techniques!

I am a great believer in mentoring and being mentored, so I sought out previous pageant winners and asked them to share their secrets with me. The positive energy and motivation that I came away with was incredible! Consequently, I had the tools I needed to achieve my goal. I just needed to learn how to put those tools into action. My first task was to post positive quotes on little post-it notes all throughout my home. As I was working out I would read, “Think lean and strong!”. As I applied my make-up, “Believe in yourself” was instilled in my mind from it’s position on my mirror. When I fixed breakfast, cleaned the house, turned on the television or got into the car, there was one positive message after another. Though the changes weren’t immediate, I did find that slowly I was evolving and changing into a more confident woman! Not only were the changes happening on the inside, but on the outside as well. Of course some of the physical changes could be attributed to eating better and exercising. But for changes to become permanent, they must happen from the inside out.

The most remarkable change was what began to happen in my home with my children and husband. They were visibly happier, more confident, and a lot more willing to help out whenever asked. Instead of the usual “Do I have to?” or “I don’t want to!” statements, their answers became “Sure! No problem.” As a family we were constantly surrounding ourselves with positive sources, people, places, things, and habits. Obviously, we all still had our moments, but for the most part our home life became a much richer and enjoyable place to be.

Surrounding yourself with positive energy can be one of the most powerful steps you can take to gain a happier more fulfilling life. Again, there are times when we can not control the experiences that happen to us, but we can control the attitude with which we choose to face those experiences.

The following are a few ideas that can increase the positive energy in your life.

1. Cleanse your inner spirit. If you have things in your life that are bringing you down or have left you with feelings of guilt or resentment, take care of it! Nothing can lift you higher than offering an apology where one is warranted. Let by gones be by gones. Forgive those who have wronged you, even if they won’t accept your forgiveness. Holding on to grudges only brings you and others down. Start living in the present and let go of the past. I know it is easier said than done, but taking that risk will greatly improve your quality of life.

2. Simplify your life! In the world that we now live it is so easy to fill your life with unnecessary clutter. I was talking to my little sister the other day and she made a comment that reminded me of how my parents had raised us. She said, “It just wasn’t a necessary expense.” How many times do we spend “unnecessary expense” on trivial, unimportant things? It’s easy to do. I’m not just talking about spending expenses. Gaining the discipline to free yourself from “unnecessary expenses” whether it be material items, or time-wasting activities, will make your load lighter and your life much more enjoyable.

3. Consistently avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits. If you can steer clear of negativity in all forms you will find a change taking place in your life that is very noticeable. You will become more positive, more confident and a lot more attractive (both physically and mentally) to those around you.

4. Laugh often! Zig Ziglar once said “Laughter is the best medicine.” I can’t think of a better way to remove negativity than to laugh.

Laugh at yourself when you do silly things. Laugh with your friends and family and become closer together. My daughter Saydie, was born with an innate ability to make people laugh. She would be practicing her many faces in the mirror behind us as her Dad and I were reprimanding her for something that she had done. We could never keep a straight face and by the end of our speech we would be laughing so hard we would have tears in our eyes. No matter what is happening, if Saydie senses sadness she will do whatever it takes to make you laugh. Laughter definitely creates positive energy!

“Positive is as positive does.” I challenge you to try it!

Your assignment: Get on the internet or go through books of quotes and positive affirmations. Pick out your favorite and make post-its that you can place in conspicuous places throughout your home, car, office, etc. Read them and re-read them until they are ingrained in your brain and have become a part of your life! You are welcome to use the ones that I have used in this book if you like (they are some of my favorite).

Fighting the fear within

Hi friends, Welcome to the Pointing Toward Hope podcast. I am your host Wendy Bertagnolli. This podcast is filled with positivity for anyone seeking to find more hope and joy in daily life. The goal is to reach as many people as we can to help them to overcome and find joy even in the midst of extremely hard adversity. Thanks for listening. Be sure to subscribe and leave a review so that we can help as many people as possible. If you or someone you know has a trial that you have been able to get through or are working through with the help of our Savior, please contact me so we can get you on the podcast. This is episode 40.

Keep Up the PACE

Chapter 3

FIGHTING THE FEAR WITHIN

“Fear is just excitement in need of an attitude adjustment!” Russ Quaglia

To say that I was afraid of what might lie ahead was a great understatement. I came from a long line of family members who suffer from depression. Some have been on medications with complications and some have been content to struggle with the disease on their own. And then there are some that remain in denial and are afraid to admit that something might not be right. I found it necessary to find some sort of middle ground.

At this point, I feel it is very important to address an issue that has a way of clouding one’s judgement. More specifically, one who is not thinking rationally as is. This issue is that of how people who have never suffered from depression, or have not been closely involved with a loved one who has, view depression in general. There is still quite a stigma against people who suffer from mental illness.

Just the other day I happened to mention to a colleague that I was writing a book about my experiences with depression. The comment that I received was one that I have heard on many occasions. I would be willing to bet that most sufferers have as well. “What do you have to be depressed about?” Believe me, I have asked myself that same question almost every day. This is one of the reasons most people find it difficult to seek the help of a professional. What I know now, is that depression is not a respecter of persons. It can and does affect both males and females, rich and poor, young and old.

Depression is not a reflection of one’s life, it is an inward disease without an outward appearance. Although symptoms are not physically seen, does not in any way mean that they do not exist! I was very fortunate to have a therapist who, from the beginning, explained this disease thoroughly and helped me to realize that this was not a reflection on me as a person. She gave me many options and explained each option in great detail.

Upon diagnosis is the best time for you to find a good support system. A loved one, trusted friend or counselor can help immensely. If you are not so fortunate as to have a support system at home, there are many support groups and therapists in every community that can help you.

Never give up hope, there is always a solution. As I spoke of in chapter two, I have always been a highly motivated person. I attribute much of this to the work ethic that my parents taught me. They taught me to take pride in myself and my accomplishments, and to always strive for something better. I believe that having positive role models in our lives is imperative to our success.

I remember on one occasion, I wanted to ride my bike down to the local convenience store with a group of friends. It was a sunny Saturday morning and this was a day when my siblings and I were required to help out with various chores around the yard. I must have been about ten or eleven years old. On that particular Saturday, it was my job to weed one of our many flowerbeds. It happened to be the one that was full of prickly bushes that would fill out the bed about three feet in width and grew low to the ground. The trick was to pull all the weeds that would grow up between the bushes. This was a job that was detested by me and all of my siblings, and I assumed my parents as well. Otherwise, why would they always make sure that one of my brothers or I had this job?!

Other than the scratches and cuts up and down my gloveless arms, what I remember the most was having to go back and finish my job because I had not done it to the best of my ability. This experience taught me a great lesson in taking pride in what I do and learning the importance of doing a job right the first time so I didn’t have to go back and do it over! I have to admit our trip to the convenience store was one that I felt I deserved beyond any shadow of a doubt. That candy never tasted so sweet!

As I began my road to recovery, these early lessons began to come back into my mind. I was able to realize that without risks there can be no achievement. And without working hard and lots of practice, how would I ever get better and stronger?

Starting on the medication was a huge risk for me, but one that I was willing to take in order to achieve a more fulfilling life. A better life! As the medication began to take effect, I was able to start thinking more clearly and rationally. I began to enjoy the simple moments in my life as a young mother. Bathing and feeding my young family became rituals that I relished. Even their mischievous moments became more enjoyable.

For example, the time I was overcome with panic, unable to find my four year old daughter McKayla. I had searched the house three times yelling out her name. I had sent five and half year old Chris, to scour the neighborhood homes. I had looked under the beds, just in case she had fallen asleep in one of her favorite hiding places, all to no avail. I called my husband at work in a panic. He reassured me that she would turn up and urged me to continue searching. We both knew how much she liked playing “hide and go seek”.

I hung up the phone, said a fervent prayer, and continued my hunt. As I was searching our toy room for the third time, I heard a muffled sneeze. I opened the closet door to reveal a “chicken-costume-clad” McKayla crouching ever so quietly in the corner. I scooped her into my arms and sobbed as relief swept over me. “Why wouldn’t you answer me when I called, sweetheart?” I questioned. With her innocent blue eyes, she looked up at me and said, “I thought you would get angry because I am wearing my costume, I’m sorry mommy.”

She had a dance recital coming up and I had asked her not to play in her chicken costume. As I documented this experience later on, I was able to see the improvement in my ability to stay “pulled together” at a time when previously, I would have been unable to cope. At the same time, it helped me to see how much I had missed feeling emotion. It felt so good to “feel” again.

But even though I had experiences like that one from time to time, for the most part my emotions remained on an even keel ninety percent of the time. I knew, that because of this glimpse of how good it felt to “feel”, I wanted more. I wanted something even better! I wanted to enjoy every positive moment. I wanted to feel sad when conditions called for sadness. Happy when things went well. And I started feeling as if the medication kept me from feeling some of these emotions. At times, I felt simply numb to emotion.

That is when I began to seek for something better. I have always been an avid reader. I loved to go to our local library. To this day, I have a stack of books beside my bed waiting to be read. I consider myself a “bookworm” because I rarely finish a book. I simply “worm” my way through looking for things that apply to me and my situation. I am a big fan of self-help and motivational books. So it was at this time that I made a trip to the library and returned with about eight books on depression, more specifically on alternative forms of healing.

As I read and reread I was able to see a common thread amongst most theories. Nutrition and physical exercise play a big part in maintaining our hormonal balance. But what I remember most was reading about serotonin, the brains own natural anti-depressant and tranquilizer. And I was intrigued that physical exercise played such a key role in the release of mood-enhancing substances known as endorphins. When endorphin levels become elevated so does one’s mood and vice versa. “This is it,” I thought “this is the key!”

I decided then and there that I was going to be in control of my own destiny. I had read enough and documented enough of my current patterns, to know that to go off of the medication “cold turkey” was not only dangerous, but could also set me up for an all-time low! Something I definitely did not want to have happen. I had worked so hard to come as far as I had. Instead I formulated a plan and set some goals, working with my physician. Together we devised a plan to wean me slowly off the medication. I had been working hard to exercise on a daily basis for about two years which explains the glimpses of emotion I had experienced.

Another major key in fighting depression is our diet. So I set out to find a nutrition plan that I could live with. Sifting through the wealth of information on nutrition is a job in and of itself! But as you are searching for something that will work for you here are some hints that I have found helpful. Be careful to avoid those that promise a “quick fix”. Avoid the diets that eliminate whole food groups. Make sure that whatever you choose, it is something that you can continue for the long term. If you have a hard time sticking with something for 2 weeks, you will never be able to stay with it for life. And above all, try to find a plan that works with your family as well. There is nothing harder than trying to fix yourself something different than your family. And it is just as important that they learn healthy habits too!

I have found that moderation seems to work the best. Instead of eliminating your favorite foods just try to learn how to enjoy them in moderation. Now, this is really important! Though I personally have learned how to function normally without the help of medication, and what works for me, does not mean that it will work for everyone. And it won’t always work for me, for that matter. I want to reiterate the importance of working with your personal physician and or therapist to find what works for you. There are so many options available today!

Throughout the years there have been times when I have let my priorities get out of line and I have not paid attention to what my body was trying to tell me and have had to return to medication. It’s not the end of the world! It is an option that is available to us and personally, I am so grateful for that! Whether you decide to try medication or not, definitely consider taking on an exercise program. This is where the list of priorities from chapter one begins to play in.

I hear so many people say that they cannot find the time to exercise. I agree that with a family, a husband, a job and all of our household duties, it is difficult. But if you make it a priority, even if it means getting up an hour earlier than everyone else, or giving up on your afternoon nap when your children are sleeping, you do it for one reason; Until you start taking care of yourself you really can not effectively care for anyone else.

Once you realize this you will be on your way to making some very positive changes!

Your assignment: Look back on your list of priorities that you made in chapter one and make sure that you are still working on them. If not, recommit to making this a priority! In your journal or on your calendar start to document your highs and lows and record your emotions. This will, not only help you to see and understand more about yourself and your emotions, but will also help your physician in making a correct diagnosis, should you choose to see one. Also, I highly recommend starting an exercise program. I truly believe that this is probably the key change that I made and have continued to do throughout my life that has kept me from slipping back into those major bouts of depression. Plus it keeps you young and looking great and that alone helps improve our spirits!

Thanks for reading today. I hope you are enjoying the book. Talk to you all again soon.

XO Wendy

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this: